Five plus Three
by AGJ
Summary: Another take on the relationship between Tali and Shepard, starting with Mass Effect 1. Rated T for future proofing.
1. Prologue

_Since everyone else puts it here, I might as well do the same: I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. This is my first attempt at a fanfic, and as if that wasn't bad enough English is not my native language, so expect grammar mistakes (though I think I got the spelling right), shoddy language, a mix of UK and US English and general misuse of everything literary._

_General Shepard information: John Shepard, mostly Paragon, spacer and war hero, so not really much in the way of psychological trauma. Soldier class, but not completely ignorant when it comes to technical stuff and biotics (though he can't use biotics himself, of course). Buzz cut, blue eyes, a knack for spacing out and an abnormal fondness of quarians (not creepy)._

**Prologue**

How did she ever get herself into this mess?

When she first recovered that data from the disabled Geth straggler, she had expected to make some relatively easy money from it. Probably not enough to afford anything spectacular to bring back to the Migrant Fleet, like a new shuttle or a used cargo ship, but at least enough to make the rest of her Pilgrimage easier. With a decent amount of seed money she would at least have a much easier time getting around, as it was difficult to get any kind of passage on ships as a Quarian with no credits.

Instead, she had been shot by hired thugs with a vested interest in the data not falling into the wrong hands, and before she had a chance to fully recover she again found herself in a great deal of trouble, trapped in a narrow alley with three assailants.

The odds really weren't in her favor. She could probably take out the turian with her shotgun at point blank range, but the two salarians would be on her as soon as she left cover. She had used her last grenade to try and take them out, but it had only knocked them down temporarily, and she was fast running out of options. Now, making a run for the door on the other side of the stairs behind her seemed like the only chance she had. More than likely she would get shot in the back before she could reach it, but a confrontation head on had an even lower chance of succeeding.

_'Stupid girl, why did you agree to a meeting in a secluded alley instead of a public place like the markets?'_

She chided herself for having been so naive. She should have known better than to agree to it, especially after she had already been attacked once, but the doctor had pointed her to Fist, telling her that he was an agent for the Shadow Broker. She had been desperate to trade the data for a safe place to hide before more thugs came after her, and against her better judgment she had agreed to meet in the alley.

The turian suddenly popped into view right in front of her, and she quickly raised her shotgun towards him. Before she could pull the trigger, he kicked her arm to the side and lowered his pistol, aiming directly at her visor. She stared up at the gun, the turian's face painted in a sneer a short distance behind it.

The sneering face vanished, along with most of his head, as an anti-personnel round penetrated his skull and tossed his body sideways towards the other end of the alley. More shots were fired in rapid succession, and the two salarian mercenaries who had been closing in behind the turian collapsed on the floor a few meters away.

Still sitting on the ground, she slowly turned her head to the left, towards the source of the gunfire and the stairs she had considered making a run for. Three people, two male humans and a turian, were coming down the steps. The human in the front was moving at a slight trot, a heavy pistol still in his right hand. He slowed down a few steps away, holstered his pistol and calmly came to a halt in front of her.

She was still holding her shotgun, her arm pointing to the side where it had stopped after the turian kicked her. She raised her head slowly, looking up at the face of the man who was standing next to her.

"Are you ok? Were you injured in the fight?".

A slight smile turned into a worried frown as he looked down at where she was sitting, still unmoving while trying to gather her wits. She replied with a slight shake of her head, unable to make her voice work properly.

Looking relieved, the smile returned to his face, and he slowly extended his hand down towards her. Hesitating for a moment, she took hold of it and pulled herself up.

She glanced at the hand that was holding hers. It was a fairly big hand, at least compared to hers. Five fingers covered by a slightly armored glove, holding her three-fingered hand in a gentle grip. She looked up at his face and noticed that he was studying her hand intently, staring at it with curiosity in his eyes as he gently turned it around several times, looking at it from all angles. He suddenly gave her hand a very light squeeze, as if to test its consistency, causing her to let out a slight yelp of surprise and embarrassment.

Upon hearing her voice he instantly became aware of what he was doing, quickly letting go of her hand, saying "Oh, I'm sorry!", looking somewhat embarrassed.

He straightened up a bit, cleared his throat and moved both of his arms behind his back.

"I'm Commander Shepard. We were conducting an investigation, looking for evidence against a rogue Spectre named Saren, when we happened upon Dr. Michel's clinic in the Wards. She was being threatened by thugs regarding a young quarian who had come to her earlier for treatment."

Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly, her eyes looking down at the ground. As if it wasn't bad enough that she had been hounded by thugs, shot at and almost killed, she had gotten the doctor who saved her life earlier in trouble as well. She couldn't do anything right, it seemed.

"The doctor implied that you might know something and pointed us to Fist, who kindly offered to tell us where we could find you, after a little persuasion." She wondered what he meant by the last part.

"Fist set me up!" she said, a mix of anger and left-over anxiousness creeping into her voice. Right now she wanted nothing more than to cave Fist's skull in for everything he had put her through.

"Yeah, he won't be doing that to anyone else now." Shepard replied, his eyes still reflecting the calmness and care they had conveyed when they first met. Judging by the way he said that, it was likely that Fist's skull already had some structural integrity problems.

Suddenly remembering something, she briefly looked down at the ground before turning her head back towards the man in front of her.

"I am forgetting my manners. My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Thank you... for saving my life. If you are looking for evidence against this Saren, then at least I can repay the favor. But not here, we should go somewhere safer".

Shepard put his hand on her shoulder, gesturing towards the stairs they had come from with the other.

"We should get a shuttle, head to the human embassy and show the evidence to the ambassador. It's about as safe as it gets on the Citadel as well".

Although they had just met, Tali didn't mind his hand gently holding her shoulder. Maybe it was simply comforting, having been in mortal danger just a few minutes earlier, but there was something about this man that made her feel at ease. Maybe it was the gentle blue eyes, the subtle smile that told her everything was alright, or the confidence with which he carried himself. Or maybe she was just severely traumatized by all the recent ordeals and ready to throw herself at the first sentient being that would offer a semblance of comfort and protection.

Yes, it was probably the trauma, considering everything that had happened since finding that data. But she could think of worse things than throwing herself at than this man if that was the case. The thought made her mouth twist slightly in a wry smile, invisible behind her visor to anyone around her, before blushing at the brief mental image it conjured.

Not that she'd ever do that. She had turned beet red when he had squeezed her hand after looking at it for what seemed like an eternity. His five fingered hand had gotten a cursory glance from her at first, but it wasn't like she'd never seen one before. The Asari had five fingers, and they could be seen pretty much everywhere in civilized space, and humans were getting pretty common by now as well. By contrast, her hand must have seemed like a true cosmic mystery to him, what with the scrutiny he was giving it when he helped her stand up. If it hadn't been for the sudden embarrassment he had displayed afterwards, she would have thought it a peculiar human greeting ritual.

Walking next to Shepard as they headed towards the nearest shuttle, Tali pondered what she was going to do after handing the salvaged data over to him. From what she had seen already, there were some very serious implications if everything in it was true. Not only for the humans, but every species in the galaxy, quarians included. She couldn't just hand the data over and pretend that everything would solve itself after, that everything would be just fine and that it somehow didn't concern her. There had to be something more she could do... But she was just one young quarian, not even done with her Pilgrimage, not even an adult by quarian standards. What could she possibly contribute with against a threat of such magnitude?

She stole a glance at her savior, the man who out of nowhere had come and saved her life, asking for nothing in return except a little information. She knew next to nothing about him, but he had an air of absolute confidence about him, like he could take on anything the galaxy threw at him and come out victorious. If anyone could make a difference, it would have to be someone like him. Tali was no hero, but her skills with tech and everything mechanical were second to no one she knew. Surely she could be of use to him, if he would have her. Alone there was very little she could do, but with someone like him...

Tali straightened up, a sense of renewed purpose and confidence coming over her. She had made up her mind about what to do now. If the humans believed the information the data held, they'd definitely try and do something about it. And she would insist on helping. Once they found out what this data contained, and if they believed it, they would accept any help they could get anyway...

* * *

_Well, that's the prologue over with. Nothing anyone hasn't seen before, but I felt I needed to start somewhere to set things in motion. Hopefully future chapters will be less slow paced, but who knows (I don't)? Written mostly for my own enjoyment to pass the time until Mass Effect 3 comes out, if anyone else gets any enjoyment out of it then all the better.  
_

_While I'm trying to stay mostly true to the game regarding actual in-game events and quests, I will deviate from it somewhat. If there are any glaring consistency errors though (like me saying turians have 8 fingers or something), feel free to leave a note telling me to get my head out of my posterior._


	2. Welcome to the Family

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. Also, I cannot afford a lawyer, so please don't sue me._

**Welcome to the Family**

Tali'Zorah observed the drive core with great interest. It was a marvel of engineering how they had managed to fit the massive core inside such a small vessel. Reading the relevant specs and diagnostics on the nearby console, she was in awe of the complexity of the system and its integration with a prototype stealth system, something she had never even thought possible on a ship. Even so, she had already made several mental notes of various tweaks that might make the engine run a bit smoother. It was still an element zero core and the fundamental mechanics were the same as with any other mass effect drive core.

When she had first come aboard the ship, she wasn't completely sure what to do with herself. The Alliance crew, while polite, were understandably reluctant about having multiple aliens walking freely on their ship. After all, they had just been informed that Captain Anderson was no longer in charge, they were no longer under Alliance jurisdiction but still sort of Alliance personnel, and Commander Shepard was now leading them in pursuit of the leader of the Eden Prime attack.

All of them had been handpicked for the Normandy's 'shakedown run', among the best in their respective fields and with the highest level security clearance available to crew of their ranks. Even then they hadn't been trusted with the Normandy's true mission. Now, none of that mattered and aliens were freely walking wherever they wanted on the ship, a ship with specs so classified that the crew had to be carefully selected to minimize the risk of intelligence leaks just days prior.

Still, it wasn't like the crew were up in arms about it. They all seemed to trust Commander Shepard enough not to second-guess him, which struck Tali as a bit odd considering how the previous captain, who seemed very well liked, had been more or less 'volunteered' to retire. The ship's Navigator and new XO, Pressly, had hesitantly welcomed Tali and the two other non-human crew on board when Shepard introduced them, but it was fairly obvious that he didn't know just what to make of them.

Shepard had given the crew instructions to give her and the two others free access to the ship, and told them to have a look around and make themselves at home. The turian, Garrus, and the grim looking krogan that had stopped Shepard down at the C-Sec headquarters and more or less forcibly volunteered to follow him, had both headed down to the cargo hold where there weren't a lot of crew members staring at them.

Tali had taken a bit more time to look around the ship, marveling at how new and sophisticated everything looked. Once she entered engineering and saw the massive drive core in action though, she immediately knew where she wanted to stay. She loved engines, and this one looked like no other she had ever seen.

While she was standing there admiring the view, the chief engineer, Adams, had come up to her and asked her if she liked the drive core. His immediate friendliness took her by surprise, displaying none of the reluctance and uncertainty the rest of the crew had showed when she arrived.

When she casually remarked that the drive core was huge compared to the ship and how impressive it was, Adams' face had lit up in a big smile, and he started talking at great lengths about the specs and technical details of the core and the stealth systems. Every so often he would pause for a second to see if he had lost her somewhere in the jargon, she would ask a question regarding some detail or other to show that she was still following him, and he would smile even wider and answer the question before continuing the presentation.

Eventually he had been called back to his duties, but told her to feel free to look at the systems and access the data console as she pleased. His demeanor was in stark contrast to Navigator Pressly's, which charitably could be described as "reluctant". Not that she wasn't used to a cool reception; quarians were rarely welcomed with open arms outside of the Flotilla, being considered little more than beggars and thieves, or cheap labor to be exploited and blamed for stealing other people's jobs.

As she was studying one of the consoles connected to the core systems, the ship's intercom came to life.

"_This is Commander Shepard speaking. We have our orders: Find Saren before he finds the Conduit. I won't lie to you, crew. This mission isn't going to be easy. For too long our species has stood apart from the others. Now it's time for us to step up and do our part for the rest of the galaxy. Time to show them what humans are made of!"_

His speech went on for a little bit longer, but Tali wasn't really paying attention to it anymore, already lost deep in thought.

_'What humans are made of...'_ The phrase kept repeating in her head a few times. Come to think of it, she didn't know all that much about humans as they were relative newcomers to the galactic scene. On the Flotilla young quarians were given lessons on how to survive on their Pilgrimage, about the various dangers out there in space, the different races they could encounter. But humans were rarely given more than a passing mention in these lessons, little more than acknowledgement of their existence. Perhaps it wasn't all that strange, considering how secluded the Flotilla was for the most part. They had little experience in dealing with humans, and they seemed far harder to classify than most of the other races in the galaxy.

Humans were the newcomers, apparently not pleased with the role they were currently playing in the galactic society, but at the same time not entirely decided on what role they wanted to play either. Every other race out there had some sort of classification, some description that summed up their behaviour fairly accurately. The best guess anyone made about humans was that they were 'unpredictable'.

Salarians were hyperactive, krogan aggressive, asari calm and took the long term view, turians disciplined and civic-minded, hanar polite, elcor slow and deliberate, volus entrepreneurial.... and in 90% or more of the cases, this would be a very accurate description of the individual. Humans on the other hand.... you never really knew what you got with humans. Of course, each species had their exceptions, but these exceptions usually kept to themselves and those like them. For humans it seemed perfectly normal to mix all their different extremes of people together and label it all "common human behaviour".

What were humans made of, really? How many were like Shepard? For that matter, what else was there to Shepard apart from what she had seen already?

While Tali was lost in thought, Commander Shepard entered engineering and approached Engineer Adams. They exchanged a few words, Shepard looked over at Tali who was still lost in thought, before resuming his conversation with Adams. Shortly after, Shepard excused himself and went over to where Tali was standing.

"Hey Tali, have you settled in yet?"

Snapped out of her thoughts by Shepard's voice, Tali turned to face him, almost giddy with excitement.

"Your ship is amazing, Shepard! I have never seen a drive core this size before. I'm amazed you were able to fit it inside a ship this small!"

Tali's enthusiasm brought a smile to Shepard's face. He hadn't been sure how she felt about being aboard a ship full of humans, away from her Pilgrimage and on a dangerous mission, but seeing her this excited put his fears at ease.

"The Normandy is a prototype ship, top of the line" he said, slightly gesturing towards the drive core with his arm.

Tali nodded slightly before continuing, "Last month I was patching a makeshift fuel line into a converted tug ship on the Flotilla. Now, I'm sitting on board one of the most advanced vessels in Citadel space". Her voice was brimming with excitement, and her hands were gesturing eagerly as she talked about the ship.

"I have to thank you again for bringing me along. Travelling on a vessel like this is a dream come true for me."

Shepard casually inquired into Tali's fascination with ships, and she explained to him about the significance of ships to the quarian people and their Migrant Fleet, gesturing with her arms as she did. As she was finishing her explanation, she noticed that Shepard was following the movement of her arms with his eyes, apparently deeply focusing on her hand.

"Is... something the matter?" she asked, half wondering if she in her excitement had managed to make a gesture with her arms that in human culture was considered an insult.

His head snapped back up from where he was looking, facing her again. "What? No, no, nothing's wrong! I just..."

His voice trailed off, and he looked at her hand again. Looking back up on her with a look of slight curiosity, he said "Uhm... what's it like having only three fingers?"

Upon hearing his question, Tali stood unmoving, eyes blinking a few times, not entirely sure how to respond to his question.

"What is it like... to have only three fingers?" she repeated, as if making sure she was understanding him right and not just having problems with her translator again, her eyes blinking in surprise a few more times.

Commander John Shepard, veteran hero of the Skyllian Blitz and a hardened soldier, was now looking very much out of his element as he was trying to explain his curiosity with alien physiology without causing a cross-species diplomatic incident.

"Well, you know, I mean, I only have five fingers on each hand so I can't really relate to having only three but it seems like it would be fairly difficult to adjust to three fingers especially when writing all those reports not to mention when cleaning weapons and...."

His voice trailed off, and a mental image of a combat boot entering his mouth came up in his head as he realized he wasn't making things better. Tali, on the other hand, moved the object of his fascination up to her visor, seemingly scratching it a bit, causing him to wonder if it was the quarian equivalent of covering your face with your palm. Now, he could only hope that Tali wasn't quarian royalty as well. He could already picture Ambassador Udina throwing his arms up in the air screaming about political shitstorms at the top of his lungs.

Tali put her hand down again and tilted her head slightly sideways, as if in deep thought.

"I'm not sure what to tell you. It's how we are born, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. I would assume that it's the same for us as it is for turians, or krogan, or salarians for that matter. I would also assume that, like humans and asari, we simply do things with what we have and don't think too much about it. At least, most people don't..."

Judging by the tone of the last sentence, she was clearly amused by now, most likely due to Shepard looking rather uncomfortable where he was standing. Trying to salvage what was left of his image of authority, he straightened up and cleared his throat before putting his arms behind his back.

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable or anything" he said, sounding a lot more like his usual self again. "I am a bit curious though. I mean, I've noticed that your fingers are wider than those of most humans, so I guess you could cover roughly the same amount of surface area when grabbing hold of something, like a gun, or a datapad"

As if to prove his point, he gently took Tali's hand, lifted it up in the air a bit with her palm facing him, then pressed his palm lightly against hers, comparing the sizes. His palm was somewhat bigger, but each individual finger were slimmer than hers. Her fingers didn't fit as closely together as his did though, leaving a small gap between them. He held his hand against hers for a few seconds, until he could hear Tali clearing her throat.

"Shepard, I... think the rest of the crew are looking at us..."

Looking to the side, Shepard could see Engineer Adams and three other engineering crew staring at them from across the room, the crew members giving them odd looks and Adams simply grinning at him.

He pulled his hand back quickly, Tali lowering hers as well, looking down on the floor seemingly embarrassed.

Pointing over his shoulder with his thumb, Shepard smiled a little before saying "I should get back to the bridge now and let Joker know we're heading out".

"Alright" came the reply, her head finally coming back up to look at him.

"Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you on board, and I hope you will get along with the rest of the crew. I'll see you again later, Tali".

He turned around and started walking towards the exit. Behind him, he could hear Tali jokingly saying "Talk to you later. Maybe next time, we can discuss our different number of toes".

He stopped dead in his tracks the second she finished her sentence. Turning around slowly, first looking at her face, then lowering his head, he stood there for several seconds in silence, without moving.

Finally he looked up at her, a perplexed expression in his face.

"... You only have two toes..."

* * *

_Well, that's it for the first chapter, or second if you consider the prologue a chapter (not sure why I called it a prologue either). I'm not really as happy about this chapter as I was the first one, but that's more related to me not being able to write anything without going into long descriptions about what people are thinking and doing. One day I'll be able to write a chapter with more dialogue..._

_I haven't read all that many fanfictions myself, but the ones I have read have been with Shepard either being a bad-ass renegade or a bad-ass paragon (but in a nicer way). I'm not sure how or when it happened, but it seems my Shepard has turned out to be... well, I guess awkward would be the word. At least when he's in front of Tali. I hope he doesn't start grabbing Geth hands when he realizes how similar to quarians they are (no, I'm not planning on that)._

_I'll probably edit this a bit later, since I'm always finding one word or one sentence I don't think works as well as it could.  
_


	3. Cruel Ignorance

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. If they come up for sale though, I'm calling dibs on Tali._  
_Note: Story has been slightly edited on 19/03-2010, changing mentions of Feros to Therum in order to get the chapters appearing in chronological order, as well as making more sense time line-wise.  
_

**Cruel Ignorance**

The low hum of the Normandy's engines filled the engineering deck. Tali'Zorah was watching the data console's output, checking that the tweaks she had made to the drive core settings were having the desired effect. Judging by the initial readings, the output had received a minor, but none the less welcome boost.

Sighing inwardly, she wished that she could say the same about her spirits. The past day had been hard on her, and mostly it was her own fault. At one point she had wished she hadn't joined Shepard on the Normandy. Not because she thought going after Saren wasn't the right thing to do, she was sure of that. The feelings she had struggled with were feelings she would have been much happier not knowing about.

–

Recently, she hadn't been feeling right. The crew had warmed up to her, she could spend all the time she wanted with the engines and had full access to all the information she wanted, and she was getting more and more used to being on the Normandy. But something was still bothering her.

She had been finding the quiet of the engines... frightening. She had a hard time sleeping, not knowing if everything on the ship was in working order as the Normandy simply didn't make the kind of noise an old but fully functional cargo ship did. She knew that everything was working, otherwise there would be alarms going off all over the place; this was a military vessel after all. But her instincts, developed over years of living on the Flotilla where very old ships were the norm, told her otherwise. Eventually, the lack of sleep and feeling of discomfort had gotten to her.

She had gotten into an argument with Shepard.

Shepard had come by the day before they were to land on Therum, the planet where Dr. Liara T'soni was said to be located. He was expecting to find geth there, so he had come by asking if Tali could tell him more about them.

She had told him about how the quarians came to create the now sentient synthetics, how they had gradually achieved self-awareness as their numbers grew, their programming improved and the critical mass to create a functioning neural network had been reached.

She talked about how the geth drove the quarians from their homeworld, in the war that followed after the quarians discovered that they were about to become the slave keepers of a staggering number of self-aware synthetics, and attempted to shut them down before they could all reach awareness. Unfortunately it was too late, and the war that followed decimated the quarian population and drove them into exile.

She stopped her retelling there. She was almost choking up as all the consequences of the geth war came rushing into her mind in a torrent, and she didn't even know where to start trying to explain them to Shepard.

Not only did the quarians lose their home planet and colonies, but they were cast out from the Citadel and the whole galactic community, their embassy shut down, as punishment for creating the geth, all of the other races turning their back on them and leaving them to fend for themselves. Outcasts in every sense of the word, they were even centuries afterwards distrusted and treated like little more than vermin by the other races. Wherever a quarian went they would have to suffer the stigma and the consequences of actions they were no more guilty of than a child was guilty of his father committing a murder. Everything other races took for granted was something a quarian could not have...

As she was struggling with the feelings talking about the geth war had brought up, Shepard had done something she never thought anyone alive would do, and least of all him: He defended the geth uprising.

_'You can't blame them for fighting for their survival'_

As soon as he had uttered those words, she felt as if she had been hit in the stomach with a sledgehammer. All the suffering the quarian people had gone through in the geth uprising, the constant struggle that was survival for them now, a life of being eternal prisoners of their environmental suits, a life that was a small hull breach or suit puncture from extinction, the discrimination from the other races and being outcasts, everything they had lost and would never get back... all of it was justified in his eyes. He thought the geth were blameless... that the geth had been in the right...

If it had been anyone else saying it, someone saying it as an insult or in malice, maybe she wouldn't have taken it as hard. But hearing it from him, the person she thought genuinely cared about other people more than anyone else she knew, the only non-quarian ever to treat her with so much kindness and respect even before he knew anything about her...

No, it couldn't be. She must have heard him wrong, or her translator was acting up again, the fickle thing, making his words sound different from what he was really saying. He couldn't possibly feel that she and every other quarian deserved this, he couldn't possibly hate her that much, not after the kindness he had shown her up until now.

She must have worded herself wrong and caused him to misunderstand what she was saying. That had to be it...

_'We had no other choice! We had hoped that most of the geth would still be little more than machines! If we hadn't acted first the geth would have wiped us out! They're a synthetic life-form, they have no use for organics! None! It's why they've attacked every organic lifeform they've encountered ever since!'_

She felt a little bad about almost yelling at him, but he had to understand after this... how could anyone not understand what the geth had done to them?

_'It's hard to feel sorry for you; your ancestors tried to wipe out another species.'_

She could almost feel her blood turning into ice water as the words reached her ear... Of all the people she knew... or at least, thought she knew... She should have known better than to think that there were people who held anything but contempt for her species, even if they were good at hiding it. She was fresh off the Flotilla, not even a month into her Pilgrimage... that would teach her...

Her face turned down towards the floor, her eyes watering up as she struggled to stay standing and keeping her voice.

_'I'm sorry, but I would rather be alone right now.'_

Seeing her reaction, Shepard instantly regretted that he had worded himself so bluntly. He wasn't completely sure why she had taken his comment as badly as she had, considering it had been centuries since the geth had driven them from their homeworld. Even if she had reason to feel a loss of their ancestral home, it wasn't as if she had known any other home than her current one.

Even so, it was plain as day that his comment had hurt Tali, and even if it was due to ignorance on his part it was inexcusable of him to hurt the feelings of one of his crew, and friends. He wanted to ask Tali what he had said wrong, but sensed that she was in no mood to talk to him now, and pressing the issue would only make things worse. All he could do now was to leave her alone for a while, and in the meantime try and find out just how and why he had hurt her so much.

_'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry.'_

It was all he make himself say, suddenly overcome with guilt over seeing Tali in this state. He thought about saying something else, but before he could do so he heard a small sniffle coming from her.

_'Please, just go away...'_

He turned around slowly, then looked at her standing in front of the data console behind him, being completely still. Even if he didn't know exactly what was wrong, he knew that it was caused by his ignorance. This was all his fault. As much as he wanted to correct what he had done, he couldn't do that now, or he would just risk hurting her even more.

Barely able to get out another _'I'm sorry'_, he slowly walked out of engineering, heading for his quarters on the deck above, leaving a lone quarian in the empty room with a broken heart.

–

In the hours that followed, Tali kept to herself, wishing more than anything else that she hadn't come to the Normandy. When Shepard had said what he did...

_'You can't blame them...'_

_'It's hard to feel sorry for you_..._'_

Just thinking about it caused her heart more pain than anything she had ever felt before. She felt betrayed by someone she thought was a friend, someone she genuinely liked and had opened up to more than any other person she knew.

As she was settling down and thinking about it more, she gradually realized that it was as much her own fault as it was Shepard's. No, if anything it was more her fault than his. He had just treated the geth in her story like he had treated her the first time he met her: as a person, a sentient being, not judging them by the common stereotypes that the galaxy held of them but judging them by their actions. In that light, it wasn't odd that he would defend a sentient species' self-preservation instinct when attacked. Still, she couldn't deny that it hurt her to think about him defending the geth, even now.

But she couldn't really blame him either. What was she expecting of him? That he would understand the centuries of suffering, the discrimination they faced, being outcasts, being trapped in their suits their whole life, everything they had lost... everything about being a quarian... quarian history and culture... had she really expected him to understand all that just from the few days that had passed since meeting him?

He hadn't even known how many fingers and toes she had! A subject apparently holding endless fascination for him even now; she could barely point at something without him spacing out, looking at her hand like it was an enigma.

She had to smile a bit from that last thought, a wry smile, even as she sniffled. She thought it was a strange thing to get so hung up on, to find something so mundane and common fascinating. Then again, there were people who probably thought that about her endless fascination with engines and technical stuff as well; even among quarians her interest in the topic was far above the norm.

No, she couldn't really blame him for what he said... considering that the only things he knew about quarians was what little she had told him so far, she shouldn't have expected him to understand. It wasn't something anyone but a quarian could fully grasp; how all-encompassing the consequences of creating the geth and the resulting war had been for her people's lives, even centuries after it happened, and how it would continue being so for several more centuries. Even as a quarian it could be hard to come to terms with.

She remembered how sad Shepard had looked when he saw her reaction to what he said, when it had dawned on him just how hurt she was, and how he had looked even sadder as he had left her alone as she repeatedly asked him to. He might not have known exactly why, but he knew he had hurt her feelings. She regretted now what she had said, but at the same time she was grateful that he had complied with her wishes. If he had forced the issue back then, she probably would have gotten even angrier and said or done something she couldn't take back.

Shaking her head as if to make the thoughts go away, Tali went back to the data console to get some work done. She was still alone as it was late at 'night', a fact she was thankful for when she and Shepard had that fateful talk earlier.

Shepard... she didn't really know how she could face him now. She wondered how hurt he was when she told him to leave. Maybe he thought she didn't want to be his friend anymore, and he thought it best to stay clear of her, for the sake of crew cohesion and keeping drama at a minimum. He might have been ignorant about quarians, but he wasn't so stupid that he didn't realize that he had hurt her, even though that was mostly due to her own foolish expectations of other people's understanding.

Being laden with guilt over hurting her and thinking that she hated him now... would he be ok when he went planetside on Therum the coming morning? What if, when he encountered geth, he'd hesitate for a moment while the events of this evening came back to him, and it was enough to get him killed? The thought made her almost nauseous. Shepard could get killed because she had expected him to understand everything about quarians that no one had ever told him...

She had to go see him before it got that far, tell him that she was sorry, that it wasn't his fault and that she didn't hate him. But she couldn't leave engineering until the next shift came. Hopefully that would be before they reached Therum...

She looked at the console again, noting that the adjustments she had made over the course of the shift had the desired effects. Output was up slightly, not by much, but considering the state she had been in earlier she should probably just be happy the core hadn't self-destructed.

There was a slight hissing sound as one of the doors to engineering opened. Expecting it to be the engineers who were to relieve her, she turned around to get ready to go off duty.

"Shepard..."

Commander Shepard was standing in the doorway, looking Tali in the eyes from across the room.

His eyes were calm, but they also looked sad, as if carrying a heavy burden. He walked across the room towards where she was standing, his eyes never leaving hers as he got closer. He stopped in front of her, still holding her gaze.

"Tali, I...." he started, but couldn't seem to find the words he was looking for.

Noting that she wasn't averting her eyes, he gently put his hand on her shoulder, as if testing whether there was any hope of reconciliation. When she didn't knock his hand away, he smiled ever so slightly before pulling her towards him into a big hug, which she returned with equal force.

She sniffled a few times as they held each other, and Shepard could feel his own eyes moistening as well.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Tali... if I'd known... I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through... what you still have to go through..."

She hugged him even harder, sniffling a few more times

"I'm sorry too, Shepard. I was being childish, expecting you to say what I wanted to hear, when you had no way of knowing what had happened".

They stood there hugging for a long time, until Tali straightened up a bit, still holding her hands around his back.

"I guess it's a bit much to ask you to know the finer points of quarian culture and history when you don't even know how many toes we have" she joked, smiling under her visor. While Shepard couldn't see her mouth, it was easy enough to see the pair of smiling eyes looking up at him.

He let out a small chuckle at her comment, holding both of her shoulders now.

"Well, I took some lessons, so with any luck I won't have to put my foot too far down my throat from now on"

"Did you learn anything more about your fascination with 3 fingers?" she replied jokingly.

"Well... I learned that when you hold a Krogan's hand and look him in the eye, you're engaging in an ancient ritual steeped in tradition, from the very beginnings of Krogan recorded history... and then you get headbutted. If I'm lucky I'll get away with a concussion".

His wry smile told Tali that he was only jesting, plus his forehead looked just fine from what she could see. She wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if he had actually tried it though. Still, she couldn't help giggling a bit at the mental image of Shepard tenderly holding Wrex's hand, asking him what it was like.

"Also, Garrus said 'I'm flattered, Shepard, really, but I'm male. See the jawline here?'"

Now she was getting less sure if he was joking. Still holding her arms around him, she leaned back a bit further and gave him a scrutinizing look, but he betrayed no emotion other than a mischievous smile.

With an amused tone, she said "for the sake of the mission, maybe you should stick with looking at my hand if you _really_ can't help yourself". She leaned back in a bit.

"I can settle for that, I guess" Shepard said, his face settling back into a calm, relieved look.

"So... friends again?" he said quietly, still holding her shoulders.

"Friends again" Tali replied, before they both leaned in again in a big hug.

* * *

_Ok, wow, this chapter sure dragged out a lot longer than planned, and __even so I feel some of it was rushed (mostly how quickly Tali got over Shepard's comments). __Had to scrap 90% of it halfway through (originally the reconciliation was supposed to be over much faster and include Feros) and redo it. I've had to redo it a second time because it was causing a conflict with the timeline of the story that I couldn't work around.  
_

_This chapter is actually more in the tone that the previous chapter (and this entire story really) was supposed to be set in, but the two previous chapters somehow ended up much more light-hearted than planned, and this one much LESS light-hearted than planned. I'm not sure how that happened... Sorry for the lack of humor, for everyone expecting a chapter like the first two!_

_There's somewhat of a story to this chapter, actually. In ME1, when you ask Tali about the geth, the Paragon responses are actually almost more cruel than the renegade ones if you actually know the depth of the troubles that quarians face in the galactic society as a result of the geth uprising, which is far easier to see if you've played the entire ME1 and ME2 games, as well as read up on the codex in both games. One example is the young quarian on her Pilgrimage on the Citadel, being falsely accused of stealing by a volus and harassed by the investigating C-Sec officer. Another is the quarian on Illium who is forced to sell herself into slavery... sorry, 'indentured servitude', after accumulating massive debt playing the stock markets for her Pilgrimage.  
_

_Combining that with the fairly blunt and almost "geth-apologetic" paragon responses you can give Tali in the first geth conversation, I wanted to spin the tale of how Tali could possibly have taken it if things were a bit different. I thought that, in light of everything you learn about Tali in ME1 and ME2, the paragon response "__It's hard to feel sorry for you; your ancestors tried to wipe out another species." was pretty damn nasty.  
_

_That said, this chapter is a shambles, I have no time to sort it properly since I've got work in 3 hours and I haven't slept yet (damn chapter just kept dragging on and on!), I've had to regig it massively a couple of times, and the neither of those things are being helped by me writing half an essay of author notes._

_I should probably stop rambling now._


	4. A Matter of Trust

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. I'll hand them back once I'm done with them... maybe._

_This will sadly be a very slow chapter with most being a rehash of the Mass Effect game. Apologies in advance._

_Note: Chapter changed slightly on 19/03-2010 in order to have the story make more sense timeline-wise. It now no longer happens before the argument in the previous chapter, but after. Sorry for any confusion this might cause._

**A Matter of Trust**

If Tali'Zorah was to point at what she though was the main thing that made Commander Shepard a great leader, it would be the friendliness and care with which he treated those who served under him. To Shepard, every crew member was a friend and trusted companion. There was very little he would not do for a friend, almost no lengths he wouldn't go to if it was needed in order to help a friend in need, and he would never sacrifice a single one of them even if it would somehow have let him stop Saren immediately.

While this was an admirable trait that inspired those working under him to greater heights, knowing that their commander would do everything in his power to keep them alive, Tali thought it might also be an invitation to betrayal. After all, Shepard was still human, and while he was an incredibly good judge of character, he wasn't infallible. It wasn't unreasonable to think that at some point, someone might try to get close to him in order to stop him from catching Saren.

It was this possibility that made Tali think that Shepard's way of recruiting allies was a little haphazard and careless. In a way it was a bit hypocritical coming from her, considering how quickly he had let her join him and given her full access to the ship, but her case was special. She had been in possession of evidence linking Saren to the geth and she had willingly shared it with him, so it was only natural that her loyalty was not in question. In the case of Garrus, they had worked together to find said evidence and in the process rescued Tali from certain death, so his loyalty to Shepard was hard to dispute as well.

Wrex, on the other hand, had simply stopped Shepard on his way to the docking station where the Normandy was and said that he wanted to join him, that Saren's krogan weren't the 'true krogan' and that he just wanted to be where the action was. Shepard had willingly accepted that explanation almost without questioning it, seeing a valuable ally, and probably potential friend, in the powerful krogan. Who was to say that he couldn't have been planted by Saren?

Still, that was extremely unlikely. Krogan were not exactly the best choice of species if you wanted someone for a mission that required subterfuge. Krogan spies were about as common as quarian strippers, almost as discreet, and had roughly the same life expectancy. In the history of brilliant krogan career choices, it wasn't one that came up very often.

No, Wrex was not a likely candidate for betrayal. He didn't seem the type, though if anyone in the spying business 'seemed the type' they weren't going to be in that business for very long. He was a krogan though, and if the Alliance crew were to distrust and keep an eye on someone, it would be the big krogan.

All in all, Tali couldn't really picture anyone on the Normandy who would be in a position to betray Shepard, even remotely.

This changed, however, when Dr. Liara T'soni came on board.

–

It was the day after Shepard and Tali had their, thankfully brief, argument. They were headed to the Artemis Tau cluster where Liara T'soni was reported to be working on excavating prothean ruins. Earlier reconnaissance had shown that only the planet Therum had any significant presence of prothean ruins in this cluster, and soon the Normandy was approaching the planet in order to make the insertion.

Shepard had asked Tali and Garrus to come with him to the planet. Shepard had asked for Tali specifically because he was expecting there to be geth there, and wanted to have her there both for her expertise on geth and for her disruptive tech skills. Garrus was chosen because he had not yet been on a ground mission , and while he was nowhere near as skilled with tech as Tali was he still knew enough to soften up any geth opposition significantly as well as being skilled with heavier weapons.

Prior to the mission, she had teased Shepard a bit by saying that he was just picking them because they both had three fingered hands, to which he had just acted indignant, lamenting how unjust and hurtful her insinuations were.

The Mako was dropped on the planet surface, a few clicks away from a mine entrance that had some suspicious readings the Normandy's sensors had found. They gradually made their way towards the mine entrance, fighting through small pockets of geth troops, some armature class platforms and a small geth outpost. They had been forced to go on foot the last stretch, and when they approached the mine entrance they had been ambushed by more geth, including another Armature, which could easily kill any of them with a single shot right through their armors' kinetic barriers.

Shepard had ordered Tali and Garrus to take cover behind a large, sturdy container while he went to the other side of the field to draw fire. Their task was to take out the smaller geth while Shepard kept the Armature focused on himself.

The plan had worked flawlessly. Firing a few shots at the Armature with his assault rifle had the desired effect, causing it to turn away from the direction of Tali and Garrus in order to fire at Shepard. With their combined tech skills, Tali's skills with a shotgun on any geth that got close and Garrus' assault rifle skills for geth that were further away, they easily dispatched the smaller geth force. They then unleashed everything they had on the Armature that was still preoccupied with attacking Shepard, who was running from cover to cover while keeping it distracted it rifle fire, and burned through its shields and firewalls almost instantly. By the time it realized the real threat to itself, it was destroyed.

They regrouped outside the mine entrance, Shepard complimenting them on their flawless execution of his orders. Tali had been awestruck by how well his plan had worked. Normally, 3 people being attacked by a medium sized squad of geth as well as an armature would've ended in a bloodbath and more than likely no synthetic casualties. Even a squad of experienced quarian marines would most likely have called for a retreat against odds like that, especially as they were in the open with only a cargo container for cover and room for the geth to flank them from all sides.

Instead, the geth hadn't even gotten through their shields and the Armature was a useless pile of scrap on the ground in less than 2 minutes. How Shepard had the courage to make the Armature focus on him alone as Tali and Garrus worked on the smaller geth, she couldn't understand. Perhaps it was his visible defiance in the presence of overwhelming odds that had caused the Armature to single him out as the most likely threat and kept it firing at him alone. Her and Garrus had been quite the team as well, keeping the smaller geth at bay with a barrage of overloads, hacks, tech sabotages and good old fashioned gunfire.

They made their way down the tunnels, towards the source of the readings the Normandy had picked up. There was some small presence of geth there, but they quickly fell before the onslaught of disruptive hacking and assault rifle fire.

Near the bottom of the mines they had found Dr. Liara T'soni, daughter of Matriarch Benezia, Saren's accomplice, located behind a prothean barrier curtain and seemingly trapped inside some sort of security field. Once the trapped asari spotted them, she called out for help. Shepard had calmly walked up to the barrier curtain, taken a quick overview of the area surrounding them, then turned back to face her.

"Dr. Liara T'soni, I presume," he said in a tone so casual that it made it seem like he came across people in this state all the time.

"Thank the Goddess, I did not believe anyone would come here looking for me!"

Dr. T'soni had briefly explained about the barrier curtains and how she was trapped inside the security field, and mentioned that were geth here as well as a krogan who had been trying to get past the curtain but not had any success so far. She told them that she could only be freed if they managed to get to where she was, but that she knew of no way to get there.

Descending a bit further down the cavern, the trio found a huge mining laser that was still partially operational. Punching in the activation code, they blasted a hole into the ground below the room where Dr. T'soni was trapped and made their way up to her.

"How... how did you get past the barrier curtains?"

Shepard looked up at where the field was keeping her suspended.

"We found a working mining laser and blasted our way through."

"Yes, I... I suppose that would work. Now, press the button on that console next to me to let me out of this field"

As Shepard went for the console, Garrus stopped him.

"Her mother is working with Saren. Are you sure we can trust her?"

Liara's head turned back again, trying to face the two men behind her.

"I am NOT my mother! I don't know why Benezia chose to follow Saren. I want nothing to do with that Turian bastard!"

Tali, who was watching Liara with skepticism, said nothing, but in her mind she couldn't help but agree with Garrus' sentiment. It was all too convenient really. A young damsel seemingly in distress, waiting to be rescued, but still somehow safe from the geth that were after her. Not so safe that they hadn't been able to reach her though. An expert on the protheans, and maybe able to offer insights into Benezia's actions, even if she claimed ignorance as to why her mother would follow him. It was almost too good to be true that such a powerful ally to their cause would just be waiting around for them to come along.

Still, it was a possibility that she was being honest, and she certainly didn't seem like the type to be following Saren around trying to bring about the end of sentient life as they knew it. Either way, they couldn't just leave her hanging around here, especially not if she was telling the truth.

In the end, she decided to keep quiet and leave the decision up to Shepard.

Shepard turned to look at Garrus, who was holding the hand he was about to reach for the console with.

"If she was working with Saren, the geth wouldn't be trying to kill her".

Garrus reluctantly let go of Shepard's hand, but didn't say anything. He walked back and stood next to Tali, keeping his hand close to his gun just in case Liara was going to try something. Tali didn't find that likely though; if Liara was working with Saren she wouldn't just outright attack them, that would be suicide. She'd wait for her chance, playing nice with them until she saw an opportunity to strike.

A small feeling in the back of her head told her that she was being too suspicious. Shepard was a good judge of character, and he seemed fully convinced of her innocence. Also, it seemed extremely unlikely that Saren would go through all this trouble to plant a mole. He couldn't have known for sure that Shepard would learn about Liara and know where to find her. But wasn't that also what made her the perfect spy?

Shepard activated the console, and the field that kept Dr. Liara T'soni trapped faded away. Landing on all fours with a small grunt, Liara stood up and brushed the dust from her hands before turning towards her rescuers.

"Thank you for getting me out of there...."

Before she could say anything else, the whole cavern started shaking.

"The mining laser must have triggered a seismic event. These caverns are not stable, we need to get out of here fast. There's an elevator just over there".

As they headed towards the elevator, Shepard contacted the Normandy to have Joker get ready for extraction. The shaking intensified as the elevator made its way towards the surface with excruciating slowness.

They reached the top floor just in time to see the barrier curtain that was covering the exit fade. Behind it, a large krogan and several geth made wathced them, heading towards them as soon as the barrier faded. The geth spread out a bit to both sides while the krogan remained in the middle, barring the way out.

"Surrender! Or don't, that would be more fun."

Shepard took two steps forward, then moved his hands behind his back.

"In case you haven't noticed, this place is falling apart."

"I know. Exhilarating, isn't it? Hand the asari over."

Standing a few steps behind Shepard, Tali and Garrus both noticed that he was making gestures with his hands. He first pointed at Tali, then indicated that she should head left, then pointed at Garrus and motioned to the right. Having caught the message, the two started discreetly looking for cover where they could deal with the geth while Shepard dealt the krogan.

"She'll stay with us" Shepard replied, moving his hands to the front again to get ready to fight.

The krogan shook his head slowly.

"Not an option. Saren wants her, and what Saren wants he gets." He looked at the geth on each side in turn.

"Kill them. Spare the asari if you can. If not, it doesn't matter".

Just as he had finished his sentence, Tali and Garrus, who had been preparing for the attack while Shepard kept the krogan distracted, quickly sabotaged the weapons of the geth as they ran for cover. The geth soldiers wasted no time in trying to hunt them down, spreading to each side and leaving Shepard alone in the middle with the krogan.

Shepard tossed a grenade at the krogan's feet, who instead of trying to run simply shielded his face with his arm, letting his armor and natural krogan regeneration deal with the blast. The grenade exploded, damaging his armor slightly and causing minor injury that the regeneration would take care of quikly. The krogan let down his arm and prepared to hunt down Shepard who would have been diving for cover after the grenade was thrown.

As soon as his arm moved from his eyes, he saw a dark figure in front of his face. Sprinting towards the krogan as soon as he had covered his face, Shepard was now in the air above him, and with a massive thud slammed the shotgun into his head, causing a cracking sound and knocking the battlemaster to the ground. Knowing better than to underestimate krogan regeneration, Shepard pointed the shotgun at the krogan's head and fired 3 times in quick succession, leaving little more than a gaping hole above the shoulders.

Turning around to go and help take out the remaining geth, Shepard found that both Tali and Garrus had made short work of them and were coming back to help him. Before they could say anything to each other, the shaking intensified dramatically.

It was now or never. They made a run for the exit as the caves started crumbling around them, huge rocks falling down and demolishing anything they hit. Yelling at them to move, Shepard took the rear to ensure that he would be able to help anyone who might fall.

Barely making it out in time before the tunnel collapsed behind them, the group paused to catch their breath as the Normandy moved in from above to pick them up.

–

Seven people sat in the communications room of the Normandy as the ground team went through what had happened planetside. Liara talked about her research into the protheans and the cycle of galactic exctinction, and Shepard filled Liara in about what they had found out so far with the beacon on Eden Prime as well as the evidence Tali had found on Saren.

Throughout the whole conversation, Tali focused on Liara. While she knew it was just his nature, she was getting increasingly frustrated that Shepard wasn't showing the slightest hint of caution regarding the daughter of their enemy. Even if what she said made sense, there was still the risk that she was planted by Saren. However unlikely, Shepard shouldn't be taking that chance, not with a person so closely connected to their adversary. He welcomed any ally he could get almost without question, and some day that could prove disastrous.

Maybe Shepard was just a much better judge of character, and that they had nothing to fear from Liara. But that wasn't a chance Tali was willing to take, not when there was so much at stake. She would be keeping a close eye on the young Asari.

* * *

_Apologies for the massive rehash of the game plot, there will be less of that next chapter._

_I might as well 'spoil' this right away; this is not an alternative universe fic in the sense that the main plot changes dramatically. Liara is not a traitor in this fic if you were expecting that, but that doesn't stop Tali from believing that she might be one._

_Also, hopefully I can avoid rehashing the majority of every main storyline quest in future fics, since I suck at writing combat and no one who's played the game multiple times wants to see the entire game in writing with only minor changes here and there (not to mention it's equally boring to write it). We can only hope._

_Also tried using a little less dialogue attribution this time around, not sure how successful I was about that considering how little dialogue there is..._

_Again, note that this chapter has been changed to happen AFTER the previous chapter instead of before, as it did originally.  
_


	5. Jealousy

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. I might have broken some of them, but it's nothing a little glue can't fix._

_Also, if you've read the previous chapters prior to 19/03 2010, note that I made some minor time-line changes to have the story make more sense as well as making chapters happen in chronological order. The events of the previous chapter and this one now happens AFTER the argument Tali and Shepard had in Chapter 2 (or 3 if you count the prologue), not before. I pretty much only switched the orders of the missions so that Shepard went to pick up Liara on Therum before going to Feros instead of getting her after._

**Jealousy**

Following the mission on Therum where they picked up Dr. Liara T'soni, and the subsequent debriefing in the communications room, the 7 people making up the Normandy's ground team had gone back to their stations. Or in the case of the alien crew members, whatever location they preferred hanging out at. Dr. T'soni, saying she was feeling a bit worn out after her stay and escape from the prothean dig site, had gone to sickbay for a check-up.

After everyone had left the comm room, Shepard relayed his report to the Citadel Council. The turian councilor had snapped at him for letting a major prothean ruin get destroyed, but Shepard got the feeling he was just looking for any excuse to bitch at the human Spectre he had been opposed to appointing and that he couldn't care less about the ruins. The other two had been more understanding about that.

However, all three had expressed some concern that Shepard had let a potential enemy into his midst, and urged him to take the necessary precautions to ensure she couldn't cause any trouble. Shepard had defended Liara, saying that she was opposed to Saren and Benezia and that keeping her under watch would not be necessary. Reluctantly, the councilors let the matter slide.

–

Leaning against the wall in front of the comm room door, her arms folded and her gaze firmly fixed on the ground by the door, Tali was waiting for Shepard to finish the meeting and come out. She hadn't wanted to say anything in the presence of the others, especially Dr. T'soni herself, but she needed to talk with him about their newest 'ally'. She still couldn't believe how quick Shepard had been to trust the daughter of their enemy. Even the rest of the team didn't seem to entertain the notion that she might be a spy, or worse, an assassin. Garrus had reacted when they were down on the planet, but now that they were back on the Normandy he didn't seem to think it was a big deal any more. If they actually were suspicious they were keeping too quiet about it, maybe because they didn't want to speak up against Shepard's decisions.

Tali was brought out of her brooding when the doors opened and Shepard stepped out, stopping just in front of her when he saw her standing there, obviously waiting for him. When she looked up at him he smiled a bit, apparently happy at the unexpected surprise of seeing her there.

"Were you waiting for me, Tali?"

His smile remained on his face as he stood in front of her, waiting for her reply. Tali had been determined to make him see reason with regards to Dr. T'soni, but now that he was there she was having a hard time talking to him. She wasn't looking forward to this talk at all...

"Yes, I was. I have something I would like to discuss with you, if you have the time"

Shepard's smile faded, worried about what this talk was about. From her tone of voice and her demeanor, it seemed like it was something serious.

"Sure, why not? Let's go back inside the comm room, we can talk there."

Tali stood up from the wall, hesitating for a bit before going inside the comm room ahead of him. Shepard's eyes were on her the whole time as she entered the room, before he turned around and went inside after her. As they reached the end of the room, he indicated at a chair.

"Have a seat."

Tali was staring at the ground now, wringing her hands a bit. Her determination was waning by the minute, instead being replaced by the fear of another argument like the one in the engineering room just the day before. Shepard was leaning against the guardrail, folding his arms across his chest, looking at Tali but keeping quiet.

"I'm fine... I won't take up much of your time". Tali was still wringing her hands, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Tali, we're friends. You can take as much of my time as you want."

His comment made her feel a bit more at ease, but it wasn't making what she was going to say to him any easier.

"Shepard, I... I don't think you should be so quick to trust Dr. T'soni."

He kept looking at Tali as she fidgeted, walking back and forth a little while trying to find the right words.

"I know that you are a good judge of character. You might even be the best one I have ever seen, but in this case I think you might be too ready to trust someone you don't know."

Shepard's expression didn't change. He looked neither surprised nor upset, his expression was completely neutral, impossible to read. This time he spoke though.

"What is it that makes you feel that way?" His voice had a tone of genuine curiosity, which caused Tali to relax somewhat. At least he wasn't angry that she was doubting his decision, not yet anyway.

"I.. I just think that given that she is so closely related to Saren and Matriarch Benezia, it would be wisest to keep an eye on her for now until we can be sure that she isn't working for them. Keeping your distance from her, in case... in case she... tries something."

Tali was choosing her words carefully to avoid causing any tension between them. It was hard for her to point to any specific thing, apart from her family relation, that would indicate that she was a spy. There were plenty of small things she could mention, but it would most likely come across as paranoia if she did.

"Tries something? You mean like attacking me?"

"Well, yes, that too... I mean, yes." She was fidgeting even more now.

"That too?" He raised an eyebrow slightly as he looked at her. "What else were you thinking about?"

Tali stayed silent for a few seconds, her fidgeting stopping. Throughout the entire conversation she had kept staring at the floor or the wall behind her, unable to look directly at Shepard.

"I... I mean she could try to... get close to you... gain your trust. Make you..."

She couldn't finish her sentence. She wasn't even sure why she almost brought that part up, or what had prompted her to say it. She only knew that the thought of Dr. T'soni getting close to Shepard was making her feel extremely uncomfortable. She told herself it was because that would make betraying him easier for the asari.

Shepard straightened up a bit now, but kept his arms folded.

"You mean... you're afraid that I might fall in love with her?"

Tali trembled a bit as soon as he had finished the sentence. Hearing him say it out loud made her dizzy, and she was starting to have problems thinking properly.

"I... I'm just saying that you will be safer if you don't risk letting her get too close to you before we are sure she is not working with Saren!"

She had raised her voice, which took Shepard by surprise. It was unusual to see Tali get so worked up over something that wasn't directly related to the geth.

Shepard unfolded his hands, taking a step closer to Tali. He didn't look upset or angry, rather he seemed like he was a little sad that she was in distress.

"Do you really think Liara is capable of that? Of being that calculating?"

Tali froze when she heard him say her name.

"You... you are already on first names with her? She got to you already?"

This time Shepard's face displayed genuine surprise.

"What... got to me? I use the first names of everyone on my team... Well, except Williams and Alenko sometimes, but that's just military habits dying hard for the three of us. It seems more right using ranks or last names for them most of the time..."

He realized that she wasn't really hearing what he was saying to her. She looked up from the floor and directly at Shepard for the first time since she had entered the room, and took a step towards him.

"Shepard, don't you get it? You found the daughter of Matriarch Benezia, our enemy, located in a ruin just waiting for you to come rescue her. A young, pretty asari, a damsel in distress, waiting for her hero to come save her while being surrounded by geth, but conveniently safe from harm due to the safety mechanisms she activated herself. And she just happens to be an expert on protheans and therefore useful to our cause, giving us even more reason to take her along with us! If we keep following Saren we will sooner or later end up having to fight Benezia. Do you really think she would just sit back and watch us kill her own mother?"

While Tali had trouble speaking up earlier, the words were just rushing out of her now.

"Asari are known for being found attractive by every race in the galaxy, and they are born with biotic powers that no other species can hope to match! She looks young and innocent, but still claims to be competent enough with her biotics that she can keep herself safe from harm, even when unarmed. Even if she says she wants nothing to do with Saren and her mother, how can we possibly trust her with everything that points at her being planted here by them!? We should get rid of her before she has a chance to betray us!"

She was visibly agitated now, breathing a little faster after the torrent of words that had come out of her. She was shaking a little bit, partly from being upset and partly from fear that Shepard would be taken in by that asari seductress. If her fears turned out to be true and Shepard died because of it...

"Tali, I..."

Shepard started to talk but stopped himself, thinking over how to explain his rationale.

"I understand what you're saying, Tali, and I agree with your reasoning. There's a ton of little things that seem to give reason for suspicion, and she certainly would have a motive for trying to stop us from killing her mother. Her biotic powers would also make her a formidable assassin if she was so inclined, and while her explanation of how she was trapped in the prothean ruins seems plausible, there's no way we can know for sure that it happened the way she said."

"Then WHY...." Tali started, but Shepard interrupted her.

"But even so, there's also a chance that everything she's said so far is true, and I won't risk harming an innocent just so I can feel a little bit safer about myself. And besides, my gut feeling tells me that she is telling the truth about herself, and most of the time it tends to be correct".

"BUT..." She started again, but Shepard held up his hand to stop her protests before continuing.

"I know. Yes, I can't be sure that she won't betray us. All I've got to go on is my instincts and my faith in the people I choose to trust. And I trust that Liara is speaking the truth."

Tali looked down on the ground, feeling dejected. Nothing she could say would change Shepard's mind. For a moment, an image of Shepard and Liara popped into her mind, the two of them drawing closer to each other, before she shook her head to chase the image away.

"How... how can you say that? How can you just trust people so blindly?" Her voice was shaking slightly, not from anger, but from being close to crying.

Shepard leaned against the guardrail besides her, folding his arms again. He looked down at the ground for a few seconds before looking to his side and directly at her.

"Because, given the right circumstances, anyone would betray me. Even you."

Tali's head spun around and looked straight at him. She was dumbfounded at what he had said. If she was hearing him correctly, he... he was saying that she was capable of...

"I... I would NEVER..."

She couldn't even finish the sentence. She was close to choking up now, thinking that Shepard didn't believe in her, that he always had in the back of his mind that at some point Tali would betray him if the circumstances warranted it.

"Everyone has a price". He took his gaze away from her, and stared into thin air before continuing.

"It's a human saying. 'Everyone has a price'. On the surface, it sounds like saying that given enough money, anyone would betray anything, but that's not really accurate. While a lot of people can be bought for the right amount of credits, far from everyone can. It's easier to betray a cause you feel little for, or a duty to a stranger that you don't really know, than to betray a person close to you. For the former, credits will often be all it takes, sometimes not even a lot of it. A civil servant struggling to make ends meet so that he can feed his family can easily be swayed to look the other way for the right amount of credits. He might not even feel bad about it, even if his decision were to affect thousands of people he doesn't know or care much about."

He paused for a second.

"For the latter though, you can 'buy' someone's loyalty with something other than credits.... Blackmail"

He looked directly at her again, as if making sure that she was understanding the weight that went behind his words, before turning his head back to stare off into the air.

"Blackmail is a powerful tool that can turn almost any ally against you, no matter how close they are to you, no matter how committed they are to your cause. All you need is a sufficiently important target... someone more important to them than you are."

Again he turned to look at her, his face showing the hint of a smile. Not a happy smile, but a sad, wry one, so small as to barely be visible.

"If someone contacted you, telling you that if you didn't lead me into a trap somewhere they would blow up a large ship in the Migrant fleet... say, the ship your father is on... wouldn't you do it?"

Tali stood there stunned, not able to say anything. She wanted to. She wanted to yell "NO" at him, to tell him that she would never do such a thing, that she would never in her life get herself to betray him... but she couldn't. Because she knew he was right. If someone had approached her with a threat like that, and was able to prove that they both could and would carry it through, she would do it. Not just to save her father, but the thousands of innocent people who shared the same ship, who was guilty of nothing but being important to her. She couldn't possibly let so many thousands of people die just to save him.

Still, she tried voicing a protest.

"I.. I wouldn't do that, I... I would warn you, get you to help me stop them, you could..."

Shepard's sad smile grew slightly more visible, and he shook his head slowly from side to side.

"Would you really take that risk? If they were keeping you under surveillance, ready to blow up the ship at a moment's notice, could you really turn your back on a thousand of your people as well as your own father, just to save me?"

Tali's gaze sank towards the floor, realizing that Shepard was right and that she was just fooling herself into thinking that she would act any different than other people put in that sort of situation. She was feeling increasingly depressed as the truth was sinking in.

Shepard took her hand, causing her to look up at him. He looked at it with a slightly amused expression on his face as he remembered the first couple of times he had held it, and how he had been so fascinated with it, and her. And still was...

He intertwined his fingers with hers, giving her her hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze, before continuing the conversation.

"Tali, this is all hypothetical. I don't go around thinking about everyone potentially betraying me if the right circumstances are present. I most certainly do not go around thinking that you would betray me if they were to try and blackmail you using your people as hostages. I've never even given this any thought until tonight when you mentioned how I couldn't be sure that Liara wasn't planted by Saren."

He squeezed Tali's hand again, his tiny sad smile turning into a caring one as he gazed at her face. Bringing up his other hand, he clasped her hand between his two and caressed it gently. Tali could feel her face flushing a bit as he did, his caress calming her down and gradually washing away the bad feelings this whole conversation had brought up. His eyes locked with hers, almost seeming to look straight into her soul.

"It's impossible to live if you're going make completely sure that you'll never be hurt by anyone. You could never have any friends, any allies, for fear that they might one day turn on you. I don't fear being betrayed. I will take every friend and ally I can get, let their friendship and trust empower me... and if one betrays me, ten others will have my back... You will have my back... as I have yours."

He moved one of his hands from hers, and brought it up to her face. Gently placing it where her cheek was, he smiled at her as he let it rest there. She tilted her head slightly, leaning in towards it, wishing more than anything that she didn't have the damned helmet on, that she could have felt his hand on her skin. Bringing up her free hand to his face, she returned the gesture and the sentiment, even if her suit again prevented skin contact. They stood there for a while, holding hands and faces, looking into each others eyes, speaking without words.

This man meant a lot to her, a lot more than she had been ready to admit to herself earlier. It was true that she had been afraid that Liara could betray him, that when the opportunity came she would seize it and stop Shepard from ever being a threat to Saren again. But there had been something else underneath, something she had feared even more, something that she knew was a far more likely thing to happen... and it had wrenched at her heart.

There was still something deep inside her that troubled her. What she was, what Shepard was, and what she could never be. It would never change, no matter how much she wished it. But for now, it was a trivial worry. She could at least enjoy the rare moment they shared together in the room now, and let future worries alone for the time being...

* * *

_Another chapter that ended up longer (and somewhat different) than I had planned. Sometimes I could swear that it's completely out of my hands.  
_

_This chapter is much more dialogue heavy than the others I've written, for better or for worse. Sorry for the lack of humor again, but this is after all meant to be a romance/friendship fanfic first. Any humor that finds its way in is merely a bonus (also, I have no sense of humor other than sarcasm, so it's harder to come up with for me). Hopefully it wasn't too mushy, I'm a bit of a sucker for mush sometimes. It ended a bit more abruptly than I had hoped, I guess I'm better at writing up conflict than care. Oh well.  
_

_I wonder what's going to happen next... frankly, I haven't a clue myself because this fanfic has gone in a completely different direction than I had planned. Reading over what I've written, my Shepard seems to be a bit too frank at times, saying things that gets Tali riled up. Geez man, can you not be so damn blunt all the time?  
_


	6. Suspicion

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. What, don't you trust me?_

**Suspicion**

Sitting in a chair in the communications room with the six other people that formed the Normandy's ground team, Tali'Zorah was looking at Commander Shepard who sat directly opposite of her, holding his head in one of his hands.

–

They had just returned from Feros where they had liberated a colony under attack from the geth, and in the process uncovered how the colonists were being enslaved by a sentient plant life-form while simultaneously being monitored by the ExoGeni corporation, who were hoping to find a way to exploit the plant's pseudo mind control abilities commercially. They hadn't expected Shepard and his team to arrive though. Shepard had, with the help of Tali and Liara, kicked the geth off the planet and freed the colonists from their plant enslaver. He had even managed to convince that sleazy ExoGeni suit Ethan Jeong to re-purpose the colony as a tourist attraction.

Personally Tali felt that he had deserved nothing less than a shotgun blast to the head. The man was utterly contemptible, and had even said that he had been hoping that the geth would kill Shepard just moments prior. Shepard wanted it differently though, and while Tali could see how it benefited the colony much more in the long run, it didn't change her opinion of the despicable man Jeong was. She got the feeling that if it hadn't been for Shepard's concern for the colonists' well being, he would have put a bullet through Jeong's skull himself. He had certainly looked like he entertained the notion before deciding to try and sort things with diplomacy.

The fight with the Thorian, or rather the Thorian's creepers and the asari clone had been brutal. A close quarters battle with a horde of mindless plant humanoids and an asari commando clone that just kept coming back. There had been multiple close calls over the course of the battle, and while Tali was loathe to admit it, Liara's help had been invaluable. Her biotics had kept the creepers from completely overrunning them while they finished them off, and while it wasn't hard to see that she wasn't too experienced with combat, she certainly had skills and potential. Tali still didn't trust her completely, but couldn't deny that if Liara had wanted to kill Shepard she could have done so any number of times during their stay on Feros.

After they had defeated the Thorian, the asari whom the clones that attacked them were based on had been freed, and had willingly shared everything she knew about Saren and Matriarch Benezia. She had also given Shepard what Saren had come to Feros for: the Cipher, the key to understanding protheans and thus the message from the beacon on Eden Prime.

That part had worried Tali somewhat. Apparently the asari had simply planted something from her mind to Shepard's, which would allow him to understand protheans the way the Thorian had. If it was that easy for an asari to interact with and imprint things into the mind of someone else, what else could they do? Was this the key to why every species, even those who looked nothing like asari at all, found them attractive?

–

Liara was the first to speak after they had all gathered in the comm room.

"Commander? You look... pale. Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?"

Shepard, still holding his head in one of his hands, was rubbing it slightly, like he was trying to rearrange something inside but couldn't quite reach it.

"The Cipher shook me up a bit."

He straightened up, looking a little bit better but still not very comfortable. Tali couldn't even imagine what it was like having nightmare images, and the key to understanding them, forcibly implanted into the brain.

"I might be able to help you. I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours maybe we can make some sense of it"

It took all of Tali's willpower to not immediately stand up and shout a protest at Liara's suggestion. Never mind that Shepard already looked like he just had all the mind probing he could take for one day, but the whole 'joining consciousness' thing sounded far too intimate for Tali's liking. While she wasn't as suspicious of Liara being a spy as she had been, she certainly didn't want to give Liara free reign to do whatever she wanted to with Shepard's mind.

Tali didn't get much chance to consider what to do next though, because Shepard stood up almost immediately upon hearing Liara's suggestion.

"Do it. Hurry, we don't have much time".

Tali's heart sank a little bit when she heard how resolute his voice sounded. There was no room to protest Shepard's decision now. Maybe if they had been alone, but in front of everyone... no, that wasn't an option. At least it was some comfort that his voice and expression indicated that it wasn't something he was looking forward to, but did strictly out of necessity. Now all Tali could hope was that her fears regarding the asari and their ability to affect the minds of other people weren't as bad as she thought.

Liara and Shepard drew closer to each other until they were about an arms length away, looking into each others eyes. Shepard's eyes looked hesitant, while Liara's looked more resolute and expectant.

"Relax, Commander. Embrace Eternity!"

Liara did something Tali couldn't see from where she was sitting, but Shepard's eyes grew wider as soon as Liara had finished her sentence. They stood there for ten to fifteen seconds, but it seemed like an eternity to Tali. Soon after, Liara staggered a step backwards, looking slightly disoriented from the 'joining'. That Shepard looked unaffected by the whole thing was at least some comfort. If it had been the other way around, Tali would most likely have jumped at Liara and demanded to know what she had done.

"That was incredible! All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed.... I'm sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so... intense."

Tali's anger grew a little bit when she heard Liara say that. She was poking around Shepard's head doing who knew what, and she had never even done it before, not even with someone of her own species? She barely knew what she was doing! Who knew what kind of damage that could have caused if something went wrong... At least Shepard seemed no worse for wear, but...

Upon discussing what Liara had learned however, it seemed that there was nothing that they didn't already know. The beacon on Eden Prime had been damaged, so large amounts of the message was missing. All they could hope for was that they could find another beacon or another way to find the missing information. Information that Saren probably had found already.

While they were talking, Liara had staggered a bit, before saying that the joining was exhausting and that she was going to the medical bay to lie down a bit. Shepard dismissed the crew, and they gradually drifted out of the comm room.

Standing in the doorway, the last person except Shepard to leave the room, Tali was looking at him, standing with his back towards her. She was about to go over to him and ask him if he were alright, what Liara had done to him, when Joker's voice came over the intercom.

"We've got a link established with the council, Commander. Do you want me to patch them through?"

"Patch'em through, Joker".

It seemed the talk would have to wait until later. Feeling somewhat uneasy, Tali turned around and quietly left the comm room, heading back to her spot in engineering.

–

Two days after the Feros mission, Tali overheard a rumor going around among the crew that Shepard apparently had 'a thing' for Liara. No one described exactly what this 'thing' was, and probably no one knew, which left all the more up to speculation. Soon enough, the crew was buzzing with talk about Shepard and how he had fallen for the well-known asari 'charm', that irresistible 'something' that all asari had that could make any sapient species fall for them. And now it had gotten Shepard.

Despite the fact that these were merely rumors, Tali couldn't help but be worried by them. Liara had barely been on the ship more than a few days, and already people were talking about how Shepard had visited her room in the back of the medical bay several times.

That in itself shouldn't be cause for alarm. After all, Shepard came down to see Tali quite often too, and for that matter everyone else on his crew. If anything, Shepard made a point of going around talking to his team every day, making sure that everything was alright with them. But Liara was different...

Not only didn't the crew trust her implicitly, not yet at least. Like Tali, many of them were worried about her relations with Benezia, and having been on only one ground mission with Shepard wasn't enough to change that. But Liara was an asari, and rumors about asari and their seductive powers as well as their promiscuity were well known in the galaxy. Even if Shepard hadn't been seduced by her already, it could well happen if he kept seeing her alone every day...

But even if that was the case, what could Tali do about it? Shepard had made it clear that he didn't think Liara was going to betray them, and reluctantly Tali had to admit that it was very unlikely after working with her on Feros, where Liara had any number of chances she might never have again to take them out. Trying to tell Shepard again that he shouldn't see Liara wasn't going to accomplish anything other than making Tali look jealous and mildly hysterical.

Jealous... she was, wasn't she? She hated to admit it, but there was no denying it either. She cared about Shepard a great deal. More than any other person she knew. Seeing Shepard gave her comfort, being close to him was a joy she had never experienced before. He had treated her with respect and the utmost kindness from the moment he met her, never once seeing her the way most people looked at quarians; like thieves, beggars, the people who brought the geth upon the galaxy. Shepard simply saw a person, like any other person, and they were all worthy of his respect until they proved otherwise through their actions.

Shepard had saved her life, treated her better than any quarian could even hope for outside the Flotilla, let her join his crew and work on the engines of the most advanced ship in the galaxy, been her friend, and shown her the best that humanity and maybe the entire galaxy had to offer...

How could she not have fallen for him?

But Shepard didn't belong to her. They were close, she couldn't deny that. She wasn't sure if she could call it "more than friends", or if what they shared was simply on the border between 'friendship' and 'something more'. Either way, she was in no position to ask Shepard to not see anyone else. If he were to... grow fond of Liara, there was nothing Tali could say about it. As much as she hated it, it had nothing to do with her, it was none of her business. Not really. If anything, the fact that there were rumors about Shepard and Liara already, but none about him and Tali, only served to prove the point that there wasn't anything... 'official' between them, or that people even entertained the notion that there could be anything.

Not that it came as a surprise to her. It wasn't hard to imagine a human and asari being together; that happened all the time. It worked pretty much the same as a regular human relationship, at least in function. Imagining a human and quarian together though...

Even Tali couldn't imagine how that could possibly work. She had tried not to think about it, but now that the rumors of Shepard and Liara were springing up, she couldn't deny the facts anymore. No matter how much Tali wanted it to, it could never really work between her and Shepard. What could she possibly offer him?

She was a quarian, trapped inside her suit for the rest of her life except under sterile conditions that just wouldn't be possible together with a human. Even being with another quarian in such conditions caused week-long illness that took a long time to adapt to, with a human she might not even survive the process. She could never take off her helmet to show him her face, or feel his skin against hers, or kiss him... Just what was she expecting Shepard to do even if he somehow decided they could to be together? Was he supposed to just keep her around, never able to give or receive anything more intimate than an environmental suit hug?

Having a love whose face he could never see, who he could never kiss, or become intimate with... no one would settle for something like that. And even if... even if Shepard were to somehow accept that, as unlikely as that was, she didn't. Tali cared about him too much to see him stuck with someone he couldn't love properly, especially when there were so many other women in the galaxy he could be much happier with. She could try to deny it all she wanted, but things could never work out between the two of them. Not in a way that would bring Shepard any happiness, and if he wasn't happy then she wouldn't be either.

Then there was the issue of her Pilgrimage... she couldn't just abandon that either, not even for Shepard. She was the daughter of an Admiral, the expectations they had of her were enormous, not just on her but on her father as well. If she never returned, or worse yet, straight up abandoned them for a man, a human no less... this whole thing was just the worst case of selfishness she could ever have imagined.

As much as it pained her, it would be better for both of them if they didn't pursue this any further. Maybe that wouldn't be an issue now, if the rumors about Shepard and Liara were true. She could just do nothing and things would sort themselves out. It would hurt her, but she could deal with that. She should be able to deal with that...

–

Commander Shepard was doing his daily rounds on the ship, talking with his crew and making sure everything was alright. With a mission as dangerous as this, it was important to make sure that the crew's morale and overall mental state was fine. Of course Dr. Chakwas did an excellent job with that, but Shepard felt that it couldn't hurt if he showed the crew members that he took an active interest in their well-being.

Today though, something was amiss. Most of the crew members he talked to seemed reluctant to talk to him, averting their eyes when he spoke to them, or coming up with excuses to cut the conversation short. All in all, it seemed like the majority of the Alliance crew members suddenly didn't know how to talk to him. Whenever he'd walk past crew members, they'd straighten up a bit more than usual, or look busy with their duties, in general just trying to avoid drawing his attention and being a bit on edge.

Standing inside the elevator bound for the cargo deck, Shepard wondered if somehow people thought he and Tali were... well, more than just Commander and crew member. It was true that he felt something for her. Truth be told, he had strong feelings for her, but the state of the mission being what it was, he couldn't just act on it. They couldn't afford a distraction now, not just to themselves but to the crew as well. Even if they could, did Tali even feel the same way about him? Certainly they had something between them that went past just normal friendship... unless of course, 'just' friends being this close was normal for quarians... It certainly wouldn't be the first mistake he made regarding quarians if it was.

After the talk where he had made a complete fool of himself in front of Tali and insulted her deeply with his comments regarding the geth, he had done some reading up on quarians. He had initially been shocked at just how little the galactic community thought of them. It had been rather disturbing how much bigotry and discrimination had popped up during his initial cursory Extranet search, and finding a non-biased information source had been more work than he had expected.

He knew now about how the quarians were more or less trapped inside their suits due to their immune system and how dangerous suit ruptures could be for them. He had felt an overpowering sense of sympathy and sorrow when he had learned about that, so much that he had problems keeping his tears back when he remembered how he had said _'it's hard to feel sorry for you'_ to Tali's face, as if he knew anything about what the quarian people were going through. He had felt like the worst scum of humanity, and was sure that Tali would never forgive him for saying something so utterly cruel to her.

She had forgiven him for being the ignorant human he was though, and the relief he had felt when she forgave him was indescribable. After that, he had gradually found himself being drawn even closer to her. How anyone could go through what she and her people did and still become such a beautiful, selfless and caring person he couldn't understand. Or perhaps the trials they had faced simply necessitated selflessness and care in order to preserve their species.

Exiting the elevator and walking into the cargo deck, he let out a quiet sigh. He was smitten with someone who couldn't leave her environmental suit unless she wanted to risk death from infection, whose people were eagerly awaiting her return from her Pilgrimage and maybe even needed her, who wasn't of the same species as him, who couldn't eat the same food, and whom he had insulted gravely, even if she had forgiven him afterwards. There were hardly a lack of women in the galaxy, or even on the Normandy. How on earth did he manage to fall for the woman with whom a relationship was all but physically impossible and damn near completely unthinkable?

He recalled how they met on the Citadel, her being under attack and him reaching her just in time to save her. How her eyes, barely visible through the tinted visor, had looked up at him when he approached, her mysterious three fingered hand grabbing his before pulling herself up. The adorable sound she had made when he absentmindedly squeezed it. How she had eagerly volunteered to help with stopping Saren out of a profound sense of duty, despite having been in mortal danger just a few minutes prior.

He had been lost from the start.

Shaking his head a bit to try and stop the brooding, he walked over to Chief Williams who was busy doing weapons maintenance as usual. Her hard working attitude always impressed him. She was the second to last person left on his check-up list today.

"Hey Ash, got a minute?"

Looking up from the weapon she was working on, she gave him a look with an odd mixture of surprise and... he wasn't sure what else her face was conveying.... disappointment? Displeasure?

"Sure Skipper, just a sec"

Putting the weapon down on the workbench, she cleaned her hands on a rag that was nearby and looked back at him.

"Surprised to see you here, I was expecting you to be busy chatting up that alien..."

Shepard froze when he heard her say the word "alien". So it was out in the open then, that he and Tali were... acting close, as it were. Not that they had anything to hide, but had the crew really picked up on it already? He had been careful about not acting too close to Tali when other people were nearby... well, except that one slip-up down in engineering when he had pressed his palm against hers to compare the sizes, but that was ages ago and no one had sad anything about that until now. Besides, that was completely innocent.

Ashley finished her sentence.

"You know, that asari, Dr. T'Soni?"

He recoiled slightly backwards as he heard the name. That didn't seem right...

"What.... Liara? What makes you think that?"

Ashley rolled her eyes slightly at his answer, as if to say 'everyone knows, you know, there's no point denying it', but her spoken answer was slightly more diplomatic.

"Word is that you have a thing for her. Not that it's any of my business. Sir."

Not being able to come up with a reply to what Ashley had said probably made him look like he was guilty as charged, but he struggled to understand how people had reached that conclusion about him and Liara, and not him and Tali whom he had spent far more time with.

"A thing... except for the regular talks I have with all the crew members I haven't really spoken much with her at all. Well, I did ask her about the asari in general, but that was more in an effort to avoid any more diplomatic incidents..."

"Diplomatic... incidents?"

Ashley raised an eyebrow at that comment, probably thinking it was a euphemism for something Shepard had done that probably shouldn't be out in the open. Which in a sense wasn't too far from the truth, if not quite what Ashley most likely had in mind.

"Never mind. Anyway, there's nothing like that at all between me and Liara."

"Wouldn't be any of my business if there was. Sir."

For a moment Shepard considered telling her that she sure as hell acted like it was, but kept it to himself. For some reason the accusation was making him angry, and her attitude wasn't helping that any either. At least now he knew why the crew were going around like they wanted to be anywhere but in front of Shepard, probably for fear of him finding out they had been talking about him and not wanting to be the ones stuck with the blame.

He wondered if Tali had heard the rumors about him and Liara, and if so what she thought about it. Maybe she thought he was cheating on her... well, he couldn't call it cheating since they weren't exactly a couple or anything like that, but still... He felt like there was something, something more than just friendship, and that everyone going around saying him and Liara had something going on was the same as saying he was being unfaithful to Tali. He wanted to go talk to her now, and she was always the last person on his check-up list anyway since he liked taking his time when he was in her company.

"I should go. We'll talk later, Williams"

"Aye aye, Skipper".

Ashley turned back to the workbench, picked up another rifle and started working on it.

Shepard was walking towards engineering, lost in thought. What was he going to tell Tali? This whole rumor with Liara really came at the worst possible moment, when he was already struggling with trying to figure out what to do with his feelings for Tali. As if things weren't complicated enough already. He wasn't sure what was worse; the possibility of the rumor destroying what was between them, or the possibility that there wasn't anything between them and that it was all one-sided on his part.

Or the third possibility... that there was something between them that the rumor didn't harm, but that it could never work.

Sighing a few more times before reaching engineering, he tried to decide on how to approach the subject while trying to avoid making it awkward. He hadn't planned on having this talk before they had dealt with Saren, but he had run out of time and the rumor with Liara now forced his hand. Running around with this sort of distraction on their minds while on a mission could prove fatal.

The door to engineering opened, and his eyes found Tali right away, standing with her back to him while working on the engine console. Adams and a few of the servicemen were there as well. Not the place for a personal talk.

He walked up to Tali, and tried to make his voice sound as normal as possible.

"Hey Tali, do you have a moment?"

Tali stopped typing on the console and straightened up a bit, but didn't turn around right away. Several seconds passed before she slowly turned to face him, but averted her eyes by looking down a bit. It was obvious to Shepard that something was wrong, that most likely she had heard the rumor going around. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Hey Shepard..." her voice came, low and despondent.

"Tali, is... something wrong?"

"No, not really... I'm just thinking about some... things..."

While he wanted to ask further, he remembered that there were other people here, and there was no way of knowing how Tali would react if he pushed things.. Now he just had to convince her to talk to him at all.

"I see... Tali, I.. need to talk with you about something. But not here, I don't think this is the place or time. Could I ask you to come see me in the Captain's quarters after your shift is over? It's important."

She looked up at him now, and even though the visor was hiding most of her face, here eyes and her posture was making it clear that she was feeling down. She held his gaze for a moment, then lowered her head again and looked slightly to the side.

"I guess so..."

While it wasn't the sort of enthusiasm he had hoped for, it was a lot better than he had feared. At least she had agreed to come and hear him out. He desperately wanted to hug her where she was standing and tell her that what she had heard wasn't true, that there was nothing between him and Liara, but with engineering being full of people, it wasn't an option. For that matter, he wasn't entirely sure Tali felt that way about him, but if she didn't, why was she feeling so depressed now?

"I'll talk with you later then, Tali."

He hated leaving her there. She didn't reply to him, but slowly turned back to the console and resumed work. There was nothing more he could do now, all that was left was to wait for her shift to end so that they could talk in private, and hopefully clear things up. Not just about Liara, but... everything.

He turned away from her slowly, walked over to the engineering door before turning around again to look at her. Apart from her hands and fingers working on the console, her body didn't show any signs of moving. He turned around again and walked out the door, heading towards the elevator and his quarters.

* * *

_And here I thought the previous chapters ended up longer than planned... Originally this was supposed to be split between two chapters, but the plot rehash of Feros and the Liara thing took up so much space I didn't want it to dominate an entire chapter. Plus this whole chapter played out quicker inside my mind. And differently._

_While working on this story I've come to realize that while making a fairly coherent storyline isn't too hard, making each chapter stand on its own while still contributing to the full story is a bit harder (for me at least). It's more or less impossible to tell everything I want to while still making every chapter equally interesting to read. Some chapters just end up being mostly the characters thinking and explaining their motives, while not a whole lot of plot movement goes on. I do know HOW to do it, in theory, but it doesn't really work that well in practice. I guess I'm just too hung up on describing the thoughts and feelings of the characters, to the detriment of dialogue and plot movement._

_Like I said in the first chapter (that I now regret calling prologue because it's bloody confusing when uploading new chapters), this is my first fanfic, and I'm not an experienced writer to begin with, so this whole writing thing is a bit of an experiment for me as well. Hopefully I'll learn something in the process of making this story that will make any future stories (if I ever write more) a bit more interesting and better paced._

_I hope the next chapter ends well, because I have no idea if it will, and so far this story has been far more serious than I had ever planned._

_Anyway, that's it for now._


	7. Sorrow

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. No, you can't get that in writing... oh wait..._

**Sorrow**

Time wasn't passing nearly as fast as he wanted it to, but at the same time it was passing far too quickly.

Commander Shepard was sitting at his desk in his quarters. Having given up on trying to concentrate on the various reports about the status of the Normandy's supplies, he was now thinking about what to say to Tali when she arrived.

He was at a loss for what to tell her. Until she got here and they once and for all got out in the open where they stood regarding their feelings, he couldn't even prepare what to say.

Did she feel the same way about him as he did about her? Why was she acting so sad when he went so see her? Was it because she knew he felt something more for her, but didn't feel the same way about him and didn't know how tell him? Was it because of the rumors regarding Liara and him? So many questions, and no answers until she got here, and no way to prepare.

His main priority was to make sure that their friendship didn't suffer. Regardless of any other outcome of their talk, that was the most important thing of all. He valued her friendship more than anything, and losing that was not an option. Everything else was secondary. Now he just had to make sure they actually got through their talk without losing it all...

–

Each step that brought Tali closer to Shepard's quarters was harder to take than the one before. Maybe, when she got there, Shepard would finally confirm the rumors about him and Liara, and the hopeless infatuation Tali had for him could end. If nothing else, that would make it easier for her than the alternative...

It was a complex feeling. When she was around Shepard she felt happier than anything, his company a true joy that made her heart race and her face flush. After the rumor with Liara had hit though, the realization that it could never work out between them had struck, and that she was just deluding herself thinking otherwise. If they didn't straighten things out once and for all, she would only be alternating between those two feelings until it tore her apart.

She finally reached the Captain's quarters, a sense of foreboding coming over her as she stared at the doors standing between her and the object of her affections, and her troubles. For some reason the simple doors seemed huge and oppressive to her now, and it took all of her willpower to reach out and hit the signal button.

After a few seconds the doors parted and revealed Shepard standing in front of her, apprehension clearly visible on his face. Their eyes locked for a few moments, neither of them finding any words to say to the other. After a few seconds, he gestured inside the room behind him with his arm.

"Come on in."

His voice was much more subdued than normal, making him almost seem like a different person. He was almost as different from his normal self now as he was when he was commanding a ground mission, but in the opposite direction. He was uncharacteristically meek, almost spiritless. He was probably dreading this talk as much as she was.

He walked slowly back into the room, and after a few seconds Tali managed to muster the willpower to follow him inside. The doors slid shut behind her with a quiet hissing sound. Shepard walked over to a set of chairs next to a small table in the center of the room, stopped next to one of them and then gestured at the other.

"Please, have a seat."

Tali hesitated a bit. A part of her wanted to run away and avoid having to go through with this, which made sitting down feel like being trapped inside the room. She looked at the chair for a few seconds, then gingerly sat down in it. She put her hands on her knees and stared at the floor, steeling herself for what was coming.

Shepard sat down in the other chair, leaning forwards with his arms resting on his legs, staring at the floor as well. For almost a full minute the two of them sat there in complete silence. Eventually Shepard broke the silence, but kept his eyes on the floor.

"I... heard something strange today while talking with the crew, I have no idea how it got started, but apparently there's a rumor going around the ship about... me and Liara, having... something going on..."

Tali kept staring at the floor in silence. She was getting increasingly tense as the moment of truth approached, clutching her knees with her hands.

"I just... wanted to say that it's not what it sounds like. I mean, it's nothing at all, I have no idea why people think there is, but really there's nothing at all going on between me and Liara. I guess the crew took me not shunning her as a sign of... well, the extreme opposite going on, I guess."

Shepard looked up at her now, but she made no signs of moving or saying anything. He turned his eyes back on the floor.

"Anyway, I... just wanted to let you know..."

Tali had thought that hearing him discount the rumor would make her relieved, but instead it had the opposite effect. If he had confirmed the rumor that him and Liara were... together, it would have been the easy way out of this mess. Painful maybe, but at least it would be over quickly and she could have begun to move on. Now, that wasn't going to happen. Still, this was only half of what she came her for. She spoke for the first time, but kept her eyes on the floor.

"But you didn't call me here just to discount a rumor going around though, did you?"

Her voice was shaking a little a bit. She wanted Shepard to be the one to start the conversation about them. If they both really did feel the same way about each other, one of them would have to take the initiative, but she wanted it to be him just so she wouldn't have to say more than she had to. While she knew it wasn't so, she still held on to a tiny hope that it was a one-sided crush on her part that she could end once and for all. It would be less painful for both of them that way...

"No... I didn't."

His hands were tightened into fists now, lightly knocking them into each other. Getting the words out were harder than he had imagined. If he didn't tread carefully, it could ruin everything.

"I... wasn't planning on bringing this up, actually. Not until we had stopped Saren, at least. But with the whole rumor thing going on, I... well..."

He took a deep breath, and let out a big sigh.

"I wanted to tell you that... I care about you. A great deal. I'm not sure where it all began, but I found myself having feelings for you that... I can't call just friendship. Not anymore."

As he finished his sentence, Tali felt herself tearing up. A small part of her was incredibly happy that he felt the same about her as she did about him, but it was overshadowed by the reality of their situation. This wasn't a relationship that could work.

Before she could say anything, Shepard continued.

"I guess I should ask you how you feel about... this. Me. Maybe it's just one-sided, and I've made everything awkward between us and ruined our friendship with this... I don't know..."

He looked up at her. Tali hadn't moved at all since she sat down with him, and she was still looking at the floor. Shepard had said what he wanted to, what had been on his mind lately. It was her turn now.

"Shepard... I don't... I don't think we should take this any further."

Her voice was shaking even more now. Keeping herself from crying was taking all the willpower she had. Even if they couldn't be together, his friendship was very important to her, it was all she could have, and if she lost that too...

"It's not that I don't care about you... I mean, of course I care about you, as a friend, and as..."

She realized that she was just skirting the issue now. Shepard had told her his feelings, and even if they couldn't be together, she should let him know how she felt about him. She owed him that much, at least. Shepard was looking at her, but she couldn't meet his eyes, instead focusing on the floor so that she wouldn't lose what little courage she had left.

"It's just... I can't be what you want me to be... what I want to be... It doesn't work that way for quarians... we can't just... we're not able to do what other races do... when it comes to love..."

Tears were starting to form in her eyes now, but her voice didn't change.

"Shepard, you... deserve to be happy. I can't do that for you... As much as I would like to, I... I can't even show you my face whenever you want to... or kiss you... even holding your hand without the damned suit being in the way is too much!"

She sobbed once, before continuing.

"... and even if we were to ignore all that... I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was keeping you from finding someone you could be truly happy with. There are billions of women in the galaxy who can make you happier than I can... I can't just pretend that none of that matters... "

Tears were running down her cheeks now. Having to put her thoughts into words had hurt much more than she had expected. She looked up at him, and saw him staring at the floor with a serious expression on his face. He kept his head low as he spoke.

"But quarians who are together have to face that every day, don't they?"

"Yes, but... we have no choice, Shepard. It is either that or death for us. When quarians want to get... intimate... we have to link our suit environments first. Even with another quarian such contact causes sickness, until we adapt... We can't change what we are now, we have to live with that... but you don't, Shepard... and... I will not make you have to go through a relationship like that when you can find someone who can make you much happier... than I can. I'm sorry..."

Shepard was still staring at the floor, his knuckles almost white from having clenched his fists for so long. He couldn't think of anything to tell her that could change her mind... he couldn't change what she was, and how she had to live with that. He cursed at himself inwardly for being so powerless.

"I see..."

It was all he could say.

Tali stood up, her knees barely able to support her. She felt utterly miserable now, but told herself that the hardest part of it was over. She knew that was a lie.

"I'm sorry, Shepard... for putting you through this..."

"You have nothing to be sorry about..."

She turned around and walked towards the door. She didn't know what to do next. She could head down to engineering, but in her current state of mind she would most likely do more harm than good. Then again, where else could she go? It was a small ship, and while she was used to small and crowded ships on the Flotilla, she had never felt this enclosed and surrounded by people before as she did now, when she most wanted to be alone for a while.

She reached out to hit the button besides the door when two arms embraced her from behind. She felt Shepard's chest against her back as he hugged her, his head leaning in a bit against hers. She raised her hands and grabbed his arms as if to pry them off, but let them rest there instead.

"Don't I have a say in this, Tali?"

His voice was gentle, but firm. While her suit blocked most of the sensation, she could vaguely feel his heartbeat against her back, a slow and steady rhythm. It was almost as if his heart was trying to reach hers, to calm it down and give it hope.

"Shepard, I can't..."

"Tali," he interrupted, "I know. I know that I can't see your face whenever I might feel like it. I know that I can't just go up to you and touch your hand directly, or your face, or kiss you. I know all that. Even so... that doesn't change the fact that I love you, and not one of those billions of other women in the galaxy."

He hugged her a bit tighter now, his heartbeat becoming stronger against her back.

"I know that your suit keeps you alive, that taking it off is an incredible risk for you that you can't do lightly. But this isn't about that, is it? I don't blame you if you're scared of being hurt, of what will happen if you take off your helmet, or your suit... but if you're going to say that we can't be together... I want to know that you're doing it for your own sake, Tali, for your own safety... and not because you think that I can't love you the way you are. Because you think that loving you is a burden on me, that you can't make me happy or that I will be miserable. If you're going to leave, I want to know that you're doing it for your own sake, your own safety... and not for mine. Tell me."

She hung her head, tears still running down her cheeks. She could just lie to him, tell him that she was scared of being hurt, of becoming sick or dying if they got too close and she decided to take her chances... She could do that and he would be forced to let her go, and wouldn't have to be burdened with a love he could hardly ever see or touch... She could do that for his sake... It would be for the best...

"Tali... I can't just turn away and pretend I never had these feelings for you. They aren't going to vanish even if I wanted them to... and I don't want them to. I can't say for sure that it will work out... but I would rather find out for myself than spend the rest of my life regretting that I let you go, just because I was afraid of trying..."

She could still feel his heart against her back, talking to her just as his voice did. It was barely more than a whisper, but she could still make out his feelings through it.

This man loved her, a woman whose face he had never seen, who wasn't even the same species as him, who he would never be able to treat like a woman of his own kind. There were innumerable obstacles that stood in the way of him being able to be happy with her... but he didn't care. He refused to give up without trying. Just like he always did.... be it arresting an untouchable spectre, saving the galaxy from a multi-million year long repeating cycle of extinction... or loving a woman who for a dozen reasons he shouldn't be able to love...

"Shepard..."

She turned around inside his arms, and embraced him while crying against his chest. They hugged each other so tightly they could barely breathe. She could feel his heart beating even stronger now, right next to her own, almost like they were embracing as well, beating in unison.

She still didn't think it could work. How were they supposed to overcome everything about her that was in the way? But... they could try, right? She was being selfish, not letting him go, just for her own happiness... but wasn't it ok, for once, to be selfish and do something she wanted? Just once in her life, couldn't she do what she wanted to, and not what she should do?

Shepard's arms gently caressed her back, stroking it while she cried against him, letting out everything that had been weighing on her mind since realizing her feelings for him. Her hands were clutching the uniform on his back as she held on to him, supporting herself. They stood there like that for several minutes, just holding each other.

Eventually Tali's crying slowed down, reduced to sniffles while she clutched his back and pressed her head against his chest. He was still stroking her back, and while the environmental suit was blocking some of the feeling, he was pressing down just hard enough that even it couldn't deny her the sensation. The suit was her prison, what denied her everything she wanted, but it also kept her alive. Where she and everyone else saw an insurmountable obstacle, Shepard saw a challenge to be overcome.

She stood there in silence now, just holding him, feeling his heartbeat against hers. It was the most wonderful feeling she had ever known.

"Feeling better now?" he said, his gentle eyes looking into hers as she gazed up at him.

He was smiling now, a lovely smile that he only ever showed her. His eyes were a bit red, but he had deftly disposed of any tears before she could see them. She guessed he didn't want others, even her, to see just how sensitive he could be.

"I don't think I have ever felt better..."

She bonked his chest lightly with her helmet to tease him, before resting her head against his chest again.

"You're such a stubborn man, you know. Why can't you just fall for someone that you can love without all the hassle?"

"I can't help it. I only like women with three-fingered hands"

She looked up at his face again, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Krogan women have three fingers too you know, you could try them" she joked.

"Maybe if I could tell them apart from the males, I would... and besides, the affectionate headbutting means I would have to wear a helmet, and then we're back where we started."

She laughed a little at that, even if it was a bit improper all things considered. Maybe she was just relieving stress, now that it felt like a great burden had finally been lifted from her shoulders.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" he said, holding her face with one hand as she looked up at him in surprise.

Half joking, she said "and just how would you know that?".

His expression, while gentle, had turned a bit more serious.

"The suit and the helmet... they can't hide the person you are underneath. The person you... are. Even a blind man couldn't help noticing. You are the most selfless, self-sacrificing person I have ever met in a galaxy full of people who often only look out for themselves, not caring about even their own kind... how anyone can live the way you and your people do and still always manage to think about others before yourself even when you don't have to... I can't even begin to imagine..."

He moved his hand from her face, took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.

"Even after narrowly escaping death from the assassins, you still volunteered to help me despite the danger to yourself. You might not think it's much, but if you look at how few people we are out here, doing this... how little help we're getting... it makes one appreciate the kind of person it takes to do what you did."

He leaned his forehead against her visor, looking into her eyes.

"It's just one of the many reasons why I love you..."

Tali's face was blushing now. Being showered with praise wasn't something the young quarian woman was used to, especially from someone not even of her own kind. Seeing his face so close to hers made her heart beat faster. So close, and yet... and yet...

She thought about it for a bit. She could do it. It was risky, but... Sooner or later, she wouldn't be able to keep herself from doing it, so why not now? But... worst case scenario, she would die from a fatal infection. Best case scenario... well, she would still get an infection, but it would be relatively mild. The most likely outcome was probably somewhere in between... if she did it now, she would just have to hope that it was closer to the mild side of the scale...

After all, this was a space ship, and while it wasn't sterile by any means, everyone coming in and out went through decontamination, so it wasn't as if there was a ravaging planet ecosystem of infections flying around inside. Plus, this was the Captain's quarters. It saw less traffic than the rest of the vessel. It was as safe a place as any would be on the Normandy... If she was going to do it, it might as well be now... for all she knew, she might never get the chance again. Wasn't that worth taking a risk for?

She took a step away from Shepard, looking down on the floor. He didn't move after her, but stood there watching her with a puzzled look in his eyes.

"Is... something wrong, Tali?"

She didn't answer him, but looked up at him again. She loved this man so much... the thought of never getting to feel his skin against hers, even if only a hand or his face... it was almost unbearable now. She remembered what he had told her earlier, '_ I would rather find out for myself than spend the rest of my life regretting...'_. If something happened to either of them, if she never got the chance...

She slowly raised her hands towards the underside of her helmet, reaching for the release mechanism. Shepard's eyes widened as he realized what Tali was doing.

"Tali, WAIT!"

He stretched his arm out towards her, but didn't reach her before she had activated the visor's lock. With a slight hiss as the pressure difference equalized, her visor came off. She slowly lowered the hand holding it, revealing her face to another person for the first time in her life since getting a suit... showing it to the man she loved more than anything in the galaxy.

Shepard had reached her and was now holding both her shoulders in his hands, a worried frown on his face as he looked at hers for the first time, apparently too preoccupied being worried for her to actually take notice of it at first.

"You silly girl, why would you do something so dangerous..."

His voice trailed off, and they both stood in silence as he looked at her face, his worried frown still slightly visible on his face. She wondered what he thought of her, now that he could see her properly for the first time. She didn't know if he had ever tried picturing what her face looked like, and if so whether it could stand up to his expectations.

He finally smiled at her with a mix of relief and resignation, before gingerly placing his hand against her cheek, feeling her skin for the first time, as she felt his.

"You're hopeless.... you know that?"

He still smiled at her, before slowly leaning in towards her. She leaned in as well to meet him halfway, their lips gently touching in a soft kiss. With their eyes closed, they stood there for a long time, embracing each other. Shepard's hand was gently stroking her cheek as they kissed, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

The sensation of his lips was unlike anything she had felt before. She had seen it in vids a few times and always wondered what it was like, but never thought she would ever get the chance to experience it herself, least of all with a human. It was rapture, standing there, holding him, feeling his lips on hers. Everything they had gone through up until now, all the sorrow and anguish she had felt as she agonized over her impossible love... everything was washing away with each kiss.

After several more minutes, they finally parted, still embracing while looking at each other. His eyes, full of love for her, was gazing directly into hers, no visor to distort it anymore.

"You know, you'll regret that in the morning" he said, looking at her with a calm, loving smile.

"I very much doubt I will regret anything" she replied, smiling back, the sweetest thing Shepard had ever laid his eyes on.

"Well... I'm going to be sick anyway... so we might as well just keep going a little bit longer..."

"You really are hopeless" he said smiling, before leaning in again in another soft, sweet kiss.

* * *

_Well, that's that chapter over with. Thank god it ended well (because I wasn't sure it would myself)._

_I've never written a fanfic before, never written any romance before, and barely even read any, so excuse the lack of originality. I'll just have to practice that on Shepard and Tali I guess, unless they both die tragically at the start of the next chapter (just kidding). Hopefully it wasn't too mushy for anyone. Tried mixing it up a bit so that it wasn't just pure mush, but I won't know for sure until I get the chapter at a bit of a distance in a few days and can read it myself with a more critical eye._

_This chapter was heavily revised a few times, so while I'm proofreading it before I post it, some weird sentences and grammar might have popped up here and there where I brutally cut/pasted/cut again stuff. Feel free to point them out if you find them._

_Also, I haven't commented on this previously since I thought it was a bit early in the story, but thanks to everyone who have posted their feedback. It's nice to see that people are enjoying something I've made (even if the source material isn't mine), and thanks to the silent followers who enjoy the fanfic even if they aren't reviewing. Seeing all those favorite stories e-mails is a nice affirmation that I've done at least something right with this fic, although most of the credit should go to Shepard and Tali for being such an adorable, if sometimes awkward couple. I guess Tali being what she is, it turns fics about her into a sort of a "love conquers all" affair. Not that I mind that, it's my favourite kind._

_ Anyway, thanks for all the kind words, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. Not too much though, or it'll only make it harder making new chapters that can stand up to this one.  
_


	8. Interlude: Consequences

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!!_

_Short chapter this time, just a little epilogue to the previous one._

**Interlude: Consequences**

"So, how are you feeling?"

Commander Shepard was sitting at the edge of the bed in the medical bay where Tali was lying, not feeling all too well at the moment. She moved her head to the side so she could see him.

"I think your cabin is sterile now, because every germ and speck of dust and dirt in it seems to have taken up residence inside my body. Feels like they are having a great party too."

He smiled at her before taking her hand and gently stroking it.

"So does that mean you're regretting yesterday yet?"

"Not a chance. It was totally worth it."

"I guess it could be worse. Humans supposedly have around four pounds of bacteria inside them."

"Judging by the state of my sinuses, that sounds about right"

Tali coughed a few times, each cough causing her to squeeze Shepard's hand a little. She felt miserable, physically, but mentally... It was probably the second best day of her life, next after the day before when Shepard had confessed his feelings to her and managed to stop her from rejecting him out of concern for his happiness. They had spent a long time in each other's arms, kissing and caressing each other. In hindsight she should probably have taken some precautions before taking off her helmet, but at the time it had seemed like she might never get another chance, and... well, leaving him there waiting while she ran off to grab some antibiotics would have killed the mood anyway.

All in all, she had no regrets. After they had parted, she had gone and used the antibiotics she carried with her on ground missions in case of suit punctures. Due to the long exposure to the open air and all of Shepard's human germs it just wasn't enough, and a few hours later she was down for the count. She still would have done the same again, but next time she would be more careful. Probably.

"So, what did doctor Chakwas say about the infection?" Shepard's voice had a hint of worry to it.

"I will have to stay here another day for observation and more antibiotics and other meds, and she has prohibited me from joining any ground missions or doing other physically demanding tasks for the next four or five days. It's not so bad though. At least it didn't kill me.

The last part was supposed to be a joke, but she didn't really get it across all that well and Shepard only looked more worried when she had said it.

"Tali... I... I'm sorry."

She looked up at him with a puzzled frown.

"What for? This was..."

"I mean, I'm sorry for... being so insistent that we try and make this work. It's not you who were being selfish, but me... after all, it's you who has to brave the risk of serious illness or death, as well as being sick after every time we..."

His voice trailed off, and looking at his face it was obvious to Tali that Shepard was struggling with guilt. Considering his reaction when she started taking off her helmet the evening before, he didn't have any reason to. He hadn't exactly ripped her suit off in anticipation.

"Shepard, don't tell me you are starting to have second thoughts now..."

"What? No! No, I don't mean that! It's just... I guess I'm feeling a bit guilty... that you have to lie here ill instead of me, when I'm the cause of it... most of it at least."

"I would have gotten sick anyway, Shepard. Even exposure to open air is dangerous to us, it's luck of the draw how bad an infection we get, depending on what kinds of stray germs happen to be around when we get exposed."

She squeezed his hand to emphasize what she said next.

"Besides, I was being... well, impatient. There are ways to reduce the severity of infection by taking a few precautions first, but... I kind of didn't think too clearly back then and sort of forgot... I hadn't exactly planned on things turning out the way they did..."

She felt a bit embarrassed having said that, sounding like she had been desperate at the time or something. It wasn't far from the truth.

"Trust me, I'll be more careful next time..."

The seductive inflection she had added to 'next time' caused Shepard to smile a bit. It wasn't all that strange that he was feeling guilty over what happened to her, if it was anything Shepard took seriously it was the well being of those that served under him... more so when it was also someone he was in love with.

"Next time, huh? I'll see if there aren't a few things I can do myself to help things a bit... After all, I can't have my expert techie and top geth slayer holed up in the med bay every time we have a ground mission coming..."

He held her hand in both of his now, looking down at her with loving eyes.

"'Every time'? I think I am starting to fear for my safety here..."

They sat in silence for a few minutes afterwards, just enjoying each others company and holding hands.

Tali smiled inwardly at the thought of 'next time'. She would have to stock up on antibiotics and various remedies and antiseptics before then. That should at least keep her out of the medical bay even if it wouldn't prevent an infection completely.

Not that it hadn't been worth it. If being with Shepard meant being bed ridden for a few days afterwards, then she would gladly pay that price. She would just have to make that much better use of the time they were together...

"Tali, you should get some rest now. I'll come by tomorrow before we dock at Noveria and see how you're doing."

She didn't want him to leave just yet, but Shepard had duties to attend to on the ship and she couldn't keep him to herself all night. Although if she had asked, he probably would have agreed to it. It was tempting.

"I wish I could go with you, but..."

"Yeah, so do I. But you need to get well first, and unfortunately we can't wait for that."

"I know, Shepard. Don't worry, by the time you're back I'll be up and running again... so to speak."

She sat upright in the bed and stretched her arms out to him. Shepard embraced her back, and they shared a long hug before slowing separating. He looked regretful as he let go of her, holding her hand while slowly backing up until they couldn't reach each other anymore.

"I'll see you again tomorrow, Tali. Sweet dreams..."

"Goodnight, Shepard."

He slowly left the medical bay, looking back at her as he stood in the doorway. Finally he managed to let go and walked towards his quarters, keeping his gaze on her until the wall broke his line of sight. He left the area feeling lonelier than he had in a long time.

* * *

_Very short and anti-climactic after the previous chapter, but I didn't feel like mixing this with the next chapter in the story since I felt it was better on its own. It's also all I have time to write until the holidays begin here, so I thought I might as well post a shorter chapter now._

_I'm still not decided on how long I should try to keep this arc before heading off towards the Mass Effect 2 storyline. I'll probably keep it as short as I can, but that will still take a couple of chapters since I'm loathe to skip ahead too fast. I also feel that ME2 lends itself better to fluff chapters since there's less of an inherent rush in that game's storyline to reach the end (well, until you take the IFF at least)._

_Then I'll have to decide whether to keep adding the ME2 parts to this story or to close this and make a new one. Leaning towards the latter, since huge stories with loads of chapters might scare people off from giving it a try (maybe, frankly I have no idea). Meh, we'll see what happens._


	9. A Gift of Pain

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. Does that line even fly in a court of law?_

**A Gift of Pain  
**

Tali'Zorah was riding the elevator up from the cargo bay, heading to Shepard's quarters. They had just returned from the Armstrong Cluster where they had taken out a collection of five geth outposts, spread across five different systems.

–

When Admiral Hackett had contacted Commander Shepard and asked for his assistance, Shepard had initially been reluctant to accept. While he saw the importance of stopping the geth, he wasn't sure if they could spare the time. Just a day prior, a salarian STG team investigating Saren had sent a message to the Citadel on a frequency reserved for top secret communication, but the message had been garbled and no one had any idea what they had been trying to say. All they knew was that it came from Virmire and was most likely mission critical.

Shepard had thought long about it, then decided that they would head for the geth bases first. Weighing the odds of everything going well on either mission, he decided that the geth bases were more likely to end up being a slight detour than Virmire would, so it made more sense taking the geth bases first.

Shepard, Tali and Chief Williams had been the ground team for taking the bases out. The geth resistance had been formidable and there had been several close calls, but eventually they had found the geth's main base that the Alliance brass had missed and kicked the geth out of the cluster.

–

About two hours after they had returned to the Normandy, Shepard had sent Tali a message asking her to come to his quarters. He didn't state specifically what it was about, but from his tone of voice it had sounded somewhat serious. More than likely, he wasn't calling her up just for pleasantries. Still, she had taken some... precautions, just in case. Even if it wasn't looking to be a happy visit, you never knew...

She had barely gotten out of the medical bay and been allowed back on ground missions, and already she was preparing to get herself sick again. She shook her head a little bit at the thought.

She arrived at his quarters and went straight in. Shepard had told her earlier that he preferred that she did, since he then wouldn't have to wonder if it was her every time someone was at the door, only to be disappointed when he opened up and found that it wasn't.

Shepard sat in the chair, looking at a small optical storage device on the table, which he was holding upright between his fingers. He casually twirled it around, staring intently at it from all sides. The serious look on his face gave her a sense of foreboding. As she stood there watching him, he suddenly became aware that she had arrived and looked up at her. Still keeping the OSD between his fingers, he indicated at the chair with his other hand.

"Please, have a seat..."

He seemed hesitant, but deliberate with every move and word, like he had rehearsed something he didn't really want to perform. Considering that his first words had been to tell her to sit down rather than being happy to see her or something similar, it wasn't really surprising. She wanted to ask him why, but decided there wouldn't be any need for that since it would likely come out on its own soon enough. Instead, she decided to behave as if nothing was wrong.

"What did you want to talk about, Shepard?"

He kept silent, staring at the OSD as if it was a live grenade or a wild animal about to bite him. He held it in his fingers, tapping it lightly against the table a few times, deep in thought.

"Do you remember when we were down on Solcrum earlier, inside the geth base?"

She nodded in silence.

"After we split up to sweep the base for any surviving geth, I found a still working computer inside one of the rooms. A small database."

Tali sat up a little straighter. If this was what she thought it was...

"I don't know what data was on it since it'll have to be decrypted first, but anything the geth decide is worth storing locally must be of some importance. I sent a copy to the Alliance, but I figured there was someone else who might be interested in it as well..."

He looked up at her. She was sitting nearly at the edge of her seat now. Her head was churning with thoughts about what that database could have contained. Long term strategic plans, logs dating back several years, maybe even their history since the exile of the quarian people... Regardless of what it was, it would tell them a lot about the geth's development since driving her people out. It would at the very least help them understand what geth placed value in, methods of thinking, what importance they placed on different information, maybe their long-term goals for their people... There were endless possibilities.

"I remember when you told me about your Pilgrimage. How you said that you couldn't just settle for anything to take back to your people. How it should be something related to the geth, something that would help your people better understand them and their development since your exile... I wouldn't be surprised if this was it. There is actually quite a lot of data here, far more than could be explained as just recon data for their current base buildup."

Shepard went quiet again. Something wasn't right. Initially when Tali had told him about her Pilgrimage, he had seemed eager to help her find something, offering to take her anywhere she wanted if she happened to find out about something she thought she could take back. Now that they could have found that something, he didn't seem very happy about it.

"Once I give you this data... your Pilgrimage is over, isn't it?"

Tali went numb as he said it. Once her Pilgrimage was over, and they had stopped Saren, she would be honor-bound to return to the Migrant Fleet. Once she did, she would become a crew member of a new ship, and would most likely not be able to leave the Flotilla again for a long time. She realized now why Shepard was acting the way he did. If he handed that data over to her... they would have to say goodbye...

"It's kind of funny really... I had been hoping I would find something you could take back to the Fleet... but now that I have it here... I kind of wish I didn't..."

Tali kept staring at the device. She was starting to feel the same way about it that Shepard probably did. She wanted it. She wanted to take it back to her people, to finish her Pilgrimage and hopefully see the data help her people make progress towards their long-term goal of retaking their home planet. But that meant having to leave behind the man she loved...

Shepard was spinning the OSD slowly in his fingers again. If he wanted to, he could easily crush the device and remove the problem. If he did, they would have to look for something else Tali could take back to the fleet, which could take months or even years. A long time either way... time they could spend together...

She wondered at how Shepard hadn't destroyed the device already. She knew how much he loved her, how much he gave up when he decided to be with her instead of someone else, like a human or an asari. Now there was another obstacle in his way, and while he could have easily thrown it away without her ever knowing about it, he didn't. He understood its potential importance to her and the quarian people, and put it ahead of his own selfish happiness... just like she did...

His fingers stopped spinning the OSD. Slowly, he straightened up and slid the device across the table towards her. She looked down at it after he had pulled his hand back, briefly considering the option of simply throwing it away.

"You might never find anything like it again, Tali."

She knew he was right. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. But so was their love...

They sat in silence for several minutes while Tali agonized over whether to take the OSD, or to commit another act of selfishness and throw it away for the sake of her own happiness. Whichever decision she made, she would have to give up something very dear to her.

She could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she curled her fingers around the OSD. She picked it up, held it in her hand... and gently slipped it into one of the pockets on her suit.

"I'm sorry, Shepard..." It was all she could say before she started crying in earnest.

Shepard stood up from his chair and walked over to her. He put his hand gently on her shoulder, and when Tali stood up they embraced each other tightly. Shepard stroked her back while she cried against his chest, his own tears coming out as well. He had known this would happen... and he still offered her the OSD.

"Shepard, I..."

"It's ok, Tali. I know..."

It wasn't fair. Shepard didn't deserve this. He had fought so hard for them to be together, only to have to give it up now they had found something Tali could bring back to the Fleet. She was angry with him, almost furious, for not having simply thrown the OSD away without letting her know. If she hadn't known, they wouldn't have to go through this now. They could have been together until they found something else she could bring back. But at the same time, she was overwhelmingly grateful to him for giving her such an important item for her people, despite the cost to himself and their relationship. She couldn't reconcile the two opposing feelings.

"Why, Shepard..." she stammered out between crying. "Why didn't you just throw it away..."

"You would never have forgiven me if I did... and neither would I..."

They stayed in each other's arms for a long time until Tali started calming down, her crying gradually turning into quiet sobs. Shepard kept stroking her back, soothing her. As a soldier he knew all about making the right decisions, even if they weren't the ones he wanted to make. So did she. They had done the right thing, but why did the right decisions always have to be the hard ones?

Whatever was on that OSD, it would give the quarian people insights into the geth as they were today. That alone was as valuable a gift as she could hope to bring back to the fleet. The actual information itself however didn't have to be all that useful, but once it was handed in, that was it. Her Pilgrimage would be over, she would pick a new ship to live on, and would be giving up her freedom to work for the Migrant Fleet. She would likely never see Shepard again, unless by some freak chance she would find herself somewhere in the galaxy on business for the Fleet and Shepard just happened to be at the very same place at the same time as well. Little wonder that some quarians decided to never return to the fleet.

Shepard let out a small sigh as he spoke.

"You know, if the contents of that OSD turns out to be the geth's big collection of mature jokes about organics, I'm gonna be pretty upset about this whole thing."

Despite everything, Tali found herself chuckling at his poorly timed joke even as she kept sobbing. She bonked her helmet against his chest in mock displeasure before resting her head back against him, but didn't say anything.

"Maybe the Admiralty Board won't see the humor in it and kick you out on another Pilgrimage. I'd be happy to ferry you around if they do."

She giggled a bit at the mental picture of her father and the other admirals reading a geth database of dirty jokes about organics, the shock on their faces as all the great geth secrets they had expected turned out to be nothing but crude synthetic humor. She found it strange how Shepard could joke around at a time like this, but at least it was making her feel a little bit better, even as she kept sobbing. She looked up at him.

"I think if it turned out to be nothing but dirty jokes from the geth on that OSD, they would consider it valuable information about the evolution of the geth. And then file it under 'top secret' and never speak of it again."

"You think so? Then, do you think it's too late to swap the OSDs, because I think Joker has a pretty big collection of them on his personal computer."

She hugged him a little tighter as they both chuckled a bit at the absurdity of it. At least it was better than feeling complete despair. She appreciated what Shepard was doing for her, but it also made her regret that she couldn't do anything in return other than keeping her pledge to help him stop Saren.

"By the way Tali, I forgot to mention."

She looked back up at him. He had a slight mischievous smile on his face now.

"That OSD you got... it's not free, you know? You have no idea what I had to go through to get that thing, I can't just give it away now, can I?"

She couldn't help but smile a bit as well.

"Ok, I'll play along. What do you want for it?"

Shepard brought a hand up to his chin, stroking it in feigned contemplation.

"Well, I was thinking that once this whole thing with Saren is over, a month of extra service on the Normandy isn't too much to ask for something of such importance to the Migrant Fleet."

He put his arm back around her, looking down at her face with a genuine smile on his face.

"We'll fit in some R&R in there as well, of course. It's been a long trip, after all... Maybe we'll run a week or two over time, but that's the military for you. Some things just can't be helped, you know?"

"Can't be helped, huh? Well, if you put it that way, how could I possibly refuse?"

She hugged him a bit tighter again. While she wasn't looking forward to leaving him, at least he was doing what he could to help them make the most of the time they had left. The thought of spending a few weeks with him, not having to worry about Saren, the geth, being in mortal danger, or the rest of the galaxy... that was something to look forward to at least. But that was for another time, and not until after they had stopped Saren. She wanted something to make her feel better now...

"I don't really feel like going back and being all alone for the rest of the evening, Shepard. Maybe we could... you know... take some of that R&R in advance?"

She moved one of her hands from his back and started working on the visor lock.

"Tali..."

"Don't worry, Shepard. I've taken some measures this time..."

She took her visor off and put it down on the table next to them.

"Besides, you wouldn't leave a poor girl alone when she desperately needs comfort, would you? Would you really be that cruel?"

She smiled at him, a genuine, sweet smile. If they couldn't be together after all this was over, then at least she was going to make sure to put what time they had left to good use.

Shepard smiled back at her, the smile that he only showed to her, that made her heart melt.

"No, I guess that wouldn't do at all..."

Their lips met in a deep, wet kiss. Tali didn't know how she would ever go on once they couldn't be together anymore, not being able to feel Shepard's skin against hers, or kiss him, or feel his arms around her. The Pilgrimage had taught her a lot about not taking what she had on the Flotilla for granted... but after having been with Shepard, it had also taught her what she was missing there.

She pushed the thoughts out of her mind. Right now, she would just focus on enjoying every moment with him, remembering every second they spent together. They would be her most precious memories when the time came to say goodbye.

* * *

_Well, that happiness didn't last long. Geez, I hate myself sometimes. It's not my fault that loving quarians is so difficult though, or so I keep telling myself. I'm not even doing this on purpose. But hey, there's always Mass Effect 2, right? Probably..._

_Anyway, this chapter wasn't too long either, and I guess we're getting closer to the end of the ME1 arc soon. Two or three chapters, maybe? Hard to say._

_I'll just have to apologize to the fluff crowd (I didn't even know about that word in fanfic context until I posted chapter 7 and saw the reviews...), this story isn't exactly what you've been looking for. I'll work on that... when the ME2 arc comes around, probably... Should I have used the drama tag instead?_

_Anyway, that's it for this time. Sorry again!_


	10. Grounded

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. 'Ah yes, "borrowing". We have dismissed that claim.'_

**Grounded**

Commander Shepard was in his quarters, brooding over recent events.

The Normandy was headed back to the Citadel. Having destroyed Saren's krogan cloning facility on Virmire and revealed the location of the Conduit, they were now preparing for an assault against his geth forces. The Normandy would lead the fleet into Terminus space, towards the Mu relay and Ilos. The Conduit, whatever it was, would be there. Finally they were starting to see the end of this long journey...

The price had been high though. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko had died on Virmire after arming the bomb that would take out Saren's base. Having been forced to choose between saving him or Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Shepard decided to save Williams because she was with the salarian STG team. It was a simple choice of how many lives to save; one or half a dozen. A simple choice, but one of the hardest decisions he had ever had to make.

After they had left the planet and finished the debriefing, Shepard got the message that the Citadel fleet was almost finished massing for the assault against Saren. He had told Joker to head for the Citadel, then went straight to his quarters without speaking to anyone else.

–

Tali stood outside Shepard's quarters, trying to decide whether to go see him or let him have some time to himself. He hadn't even talked to her before he went straight back to his room. Maybe he just wanted to be alone for a while. Still... she didn't like the idea of him sitting alone brooding over things he couldn't have helped. Shepard, as good a commander as he was, had the habit of blaming every little thing that went wrong on himself. Arming that bomb early had been Kaidan's own decision, a safeguard in case he couldn't hold out against the assaulting geth until help arrived. Unfortunately, it was also what made rescuing both him and Williams impossible.

She shook her head a bit. It wasn't really anything to wonder about. She couldn't let Shepard be by himself, beating himself up over things he couldn't have prevented. Seeing that the doors weren't locked, she headed straight in.

Tali saw him sitting on the edge of the bed, bent forward with his arms resting on his legs. Seemingly deep in thought, he didn't appear to have noticed her coming in.

"Shepard?"

His head came up slowly, and he looked at her.

"Hey Tali..."

He looked down on the floor again. Tali came over and sat next to him on the bed, close enough that their shoulders just barely touched.

"Shepard, are you alright?"

She knew it was a bit of a silly question. After all, a crew member and friend had died, so why would he be? She needed to get him talking somehow though, and it was the only line she could think of.

"... I guess I've felt better. I'm not really comfortable with people under my command dying. First Jenkins, now Alenko..."

"Jenkins?"

"It was on Eden Prime, before we came to the Citadel and met you. He was killed by geth drones shortly after we touched down. He was a good soldier... a bit eager and impatient, but he could have made it far if he had gotten the chance..."

Shepard had a wry, sad smile on his face as he thought back on the Eden Prime mission.

"He was my responsibility, and I let him die... I don't know what I could have done differently to prevent it, but that doesn't mean that it was inevitable... and now it happened again with Alenko..."

"Kaidan armed that bomb on his own, there was nothing you could have done to stop it. We didn't have time to save both him and Chief Williams once the bomb was armed."

"Even so, I might have been able to do something to stop it from getting that far. Maybe I should have left more people with him to hold the position in case of reinforcements, or left someone else in charge of the bomb, or..."

Tali put her arm around Shepard's back, hugging him closer to her.

"You can't see the future, Shepard. Some things will simply be out of your hands, and you have to know when to let that go..."

He shook his head slowly from side to side.

"I can't just do that, Tali. I can't watch my men die on me, shrug my shoulders and say 'there was nothing I could do'. Once a leader starts doing that, he is going to keep losing people to all of his mistakes, to every shortcoming he has, every unforeseen circumstance, every tiny detail that he happens to miss..."

Shepard tightened his fists.

"Even if it looks like it was inevitable at first glance, I can't just settle down with that. What if there was something I could have done? Just because it's not easy to see at first doesn't mean that there was no way it could have been prevented. If I can't find something I did wrong and learn from it, how can I stop it from happening again?"

Seeing Kaidan getting killed had driven home what could happen if he didn't have everything under absolute control. Kaidan had acted on his own, and it had put Shepard in a position where it was impossible to save both Kaidan and Chief Williams. Not only had it been impossible to save both, but he had to choose which one to save, and tell the other he was being left to die.

Tali hugged Shepard tighter, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know what to tell you, Shepard. Maybe it could have been prevented, but... If you can't see how it could have been done, I don't know anyone who could. You got us all this far, through all kinds of dangers and against insurmountable odds. We assaulted the base of our enemy in what most people would consider a suicide attack, and still you got everyone except Kaidan through alive. I don't think anyone else could have done what you have. You can't see the future, and some things you simply can't plan for..."

She sighed a bit.

"We quarians know all about lack of foresight and the consequences of our mistakes..."

As they sat in silence, neither able to think of something to say, Joker's voice came over the speakers.

"_Five minutes until we reach the Citadel, Commander"_

Shepard got up from the bed slowly, his face returning to its usual steady self. It was uncanny how quickly his demeanor changed back to normal, at least outwardly. For a man in his position it was probably a necessity to always show a steady exterior to his men. In a sense, she was privileged to be allowed to see the more vulnerable, human side underneath.

"I guess this will just have to wait until after the mission is over. For now, I'll have to concentrate on not losing anyone else... and paying Saren back for every life he has taken."

He held his hand out to her to help her stand up. She gingerly took it and got up from the bed, into his waiting embrace. They held each other tight for a few moments before slowly parting.

"Thanks, Tali. I'd best go and get ready to speak to the council. Hopefully we'll soon be on our way to Ilos with a fleet even Saren's forces can't stand up to."

"I hope so, Shepard. I'm not so sure that the Council understands what is going on though. Despite everything we have found out and reported to them, they still don't seem convinced that the Reaper threat is real."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure either. But they're getting the fleet together, and I suppose that's all we can ask."

They walked out of the room together, stopping by the intersection leading to the elevator and the stairs to the CIC. Looking around to make sure no one could see them, he suddenly hugged her again, a tight, squeezing hug, then let go before she could react.

"I'll see you later, Tali. Take care..."

"Later, Shepard...."

He took a few steps backwards while watching her, before turning around and jogging up the stairs. For a while she stood there, looking at the place where he had moved out of sight. She hated being apart from him...

Shaking her head a bit, she went into the elevator, heading for engineering. There were a few more tweaks she wanted to do on the drive systems before the final stretch began. Every little bit could count when the time came to face Sovereign.

–

Tali had been working on the systems for about an hour when drive console froze, a small screen flashing with the message _'SYSTEM LOCKDOWN'_. She frowned a bit. After trying to reestablish contact with the console a few times, she opened a radio channel.

"Joker? What is going on up on the bridge? The systems down here aren't responding anymore."

"_Well, it seems the Commander pissed off the Council or something, because ambassador Udina just had the entire ship put under lockdown. All the primary systems have been disabled. We're grounded for now._"

"What? Why would they do that?"

"_If I understood it right, they're not planning on taking the fleet to the Mu Relay and Ilos, they're going to stay here and at key relays leading here and wait for Saren's invasion. And that includes us._"

"What about Shepard? He wouldn't just..."

"_He's been relieved of command of the Normandy... While they say it's for the time being, I don't think he'll be getting command back after this..._"

Tali stood in stunned silence. If they didn't catch Saren before he reached the Conduit.... everything they had done up until now would be for nothing. Whatever function it served, it wasn't going to be stopped by the fleet being parked out in space. If that had been the case, Saren would have been forced to give up the moment they exposed his plans. They had to stop him before he got his hands on the Conduit!

Pulling up her omnitool and trying to access the systems, she did some cursory probing of the security and lockdown mechanisms. She spent a few minutes poking around, making sure not to raise any alarms inside the Citadel.

It was a no-go. While she might be able to release the Normandy given enough time, a lot of time, she couldn't do it without alerting the entire Citadel once she starting breaching security. Even if she managed to release the locks, they would never get out of the system in time. The docking bay would be sealed off and surrounded by the fleet long before they could escape.

With a loud sigh, she put the omnitool away.

"I guess it's up to Shepard then..."

* * *

_Fairly short chapter, although it took me a long time to finish it. If it seems like it came out fairly quickly after the previous one, it's because this was mostly written before the chapter where Tali gets the geth data. I couldn't seem to complete it though, because it kept feeling wrong, like something was missing. Took me days to realize that I had skipped over a pretty significant part of their relationship, and so I kept this on hiatus while writing the geth data chapter. After that was finished, this chapter didn't bother me as much and I could finish it.  
_

_I'm still not happy about this chapter though, mostly because I'd love to spend more time fleshing out the relationship between Tali and Shepard in the ME1 arc, but I pretty much ran out of steam after they got together earlier than I had planned, so it'll have to continue in the ME2 arc. Oops. It feels kind of rushed to me, but I'm also a bit leery of dragging it out too long with filler that doesn't really have any impact on the story as a whole. It's a fine line to walk, I suppose.  
_

_I guess next chapter is heading to Ilos. Oh man, I'm not looking forward to writing that... Trying to make it meaningful without heading into lemon territory (nothing wrong with a lemon, but it might be a bit difficult for me to write a good one in my first fic)._

_Oh, and on a different note: Tali referring to Kaidan as, well, Kaidan, but Ashley as Chief Williams, is on purpose. Just one of those things that I never got around to explore further in these stories (long unwritten story short, Tali doesn't feel very close to Ash.).  
_


	11. Interlude: Reassurance

_I don't own Mass Effect or the characters within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. I mean... not guilty, Your honor._

**Interlude: Reassurance**

Standing in front of his locker, Commander Shepard was furious as he arranged his gear inside it. With the Normandy's primary systems locked down and the whole team grounded, there was little he could do besides organize his equipment just in case he somehow found a way out of this mess.

What he had believed to be a fleet ready for assaulting Saren was instead going to wait for Saren and Sovereign to come attack them head on, giving Saren the initiative and letting him get the Conduit as well. Once Sovereign and the geth fleet came rolling up to the Citadel, they were all going to be screwed. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Shepard punched the locker in disgust when he thought about ambassador Udina and the smug expression he had on his face as he told Shepard '_it's just politics, Commander_'. Damn straight it was just politics. Just like all the biggest mistakes in the history of humanity. But this... this was the biggest one yet. The entire galaxy was at stake, and the Council and Udina were patting each other on the back thinking they had it all figured out, that Saren's little "bluff" hadn't worked on them and that as soon as they repelled the attack on the Citadel, everything would be fine. All the evidence to the contrary, and still they refused to listen.

Unless he could find some way to get his team to Ilos, everyone would pay for the Council's mistakes...

–

Tali had been waiting for Shepard to return from the Council meeting. The ship was fairly empty now, most of the crew having headed ashore after being given the message. She stopped when she saw him standing in front of the locker. His face looked a mix of rage and hopelessness as he punched his locker with full strength. Afterwards he slowly turned around, slid down the wall and sat on the floor looking dejected. From what Joker had said, Ilos was a no-go, and Shepard's current expression wasn't making her hopeful that he was coming up with a solution.

She approached him slowly. When she stood in front of him, he looked up, but didn't say anything.

"So I take it the Council didn't agree with our view on the Reaper threat?"

"You could say that. They're going to sit tight and wait for Saren to get the Conduit before he attacks the Citadel, and then it'll all be over..."

"What about the Alliance? I'm sure Admiral Hackett would be more inclined to take your views seriously than the Council is. Your crew isn't under Council jurisdiction, after all."

"I have no doubt he would, but Udina and the Council have made sure that official channels are closed to us. Even if we get a message through to him, which could take a long time, they'd never get past all the red tape before it was too late. No, if we're going to get to Ilos, we'll have to figure something out ourselves."

"So, do you have a plan then?"

Shepard's expression turned more serious.

"No, I don't. That is, what I've managed to come up with... it might get us to Ilos. Well, it might get you and the rest of the crew to Ilos... but it wouldn't end very well for me. But so far it's the only thing I've been able to come up with."

Tali didn't like where this was going. It sounded like he was planning a suicide attack or something to free the Normandy. Even if that would work, the assault on Ilos would never succeed without him. There was no one else on the Normandy who had the skill and experience needed to lead a ground team through an assault against hordes of geth and krogan. No one on the ground team were leaders, they were soldiers or specialists.

"Whatever you're thinking, it is not going to happen. Without you on the Normandy, the attack on Ilos won't succeed."

"Well, I sure as hell aren't going to send anyone else to their deaths to get the Normandy released. Besides, it's only if nothing else works. Even a group without me heading to Ilos has a better chance of succeeding than all of us sitting here when the Reapers show up."

"I don't really think that is the case, Shepard. Who would lead us? Can you think of anyone who has the trust of the entire crew like you do? Who has the skills and the ability to command like you? You're selling yourself short, Shepard. It's a miracle we even got this far... a miracle you made possible. You've lead the most unlikely team of humans and aliens the galaxy has ever seen, and succeeded. That isn't something just anyone can do."

"Like I said, it's a worst case solution. It might be a slim chance, but it's better than no chance."

While Tali disagreed with him, she didn't see the point in arguing it further. She didn't think there would be even a slim chance that an assault without him could work.

"Don't worry, Tali. I'll think of something. We've come too far to just give up now."

His face had turned to its usual determined expression. The expression that revealed a will of steel, the unwavering spirit he displayed when faced with overwhelming odds, and also belied his incredibly gentle nature.

"When we do find out how to get out of here... I hope you will be there with me, Tali."

"There is nowhere else I would rather be, Shepard..."

She stretched her hand out to him, like he had done for her so many times before. He stretched and lightly took hold of it, but instead of standing up he kept holding it, looking at it as the memories of how they met came over him. The first time he held her hand he had been mesmerized by it. The three fingers spreading from a small palm, robust yet elegant, and soft despite the environmental suit covering it.

It was much like the rest of her. Underneath a suited and hard looking exterior, Tali was a gentle spirit combined with courage, determination and selflessness, and an elegance that she only showed him. She was very feminine, but most people never noticed due to the suit and her fascination with all things mechanical. Or maybe they simply didn't try looking. Shepard thought the lot of them completely blind.

He suddenly gave her hand a careful yank, throwing her off balance and making her fall on top of him.

"Shepard!"

Now sitting across his lap, she was still holding his hand. With his other arm draped around her, he hugged her tighter to himself and rested his head against hers. She could feel all her anxiety seeping away as he held her close, an indomitable force determined to shield her against all that would cause her harm. No one in the galaxy saw more danger than him... and yet there was nowhere safer than in his arms.

"Tali... I haven't given up yet, you know..."

"I know, Shepard."

"I don't mean about Ilos... I mean about us..."

Her heart sank a little as she remembered her Pilgrimage and the OSD he had given her.

"I have the most wonderful woman in the entire galaxy in my arms, the person I love more than anyone else... You don't really think I'll let go just like that, do you?"

"Shepard, it's not that easy..."

Despite her not agreeing with him, he simply smiled at her, his gentle eyes gazing into hers. It was that mischievous smile he'd get when he was plotting something.

"We'll just have to see about that, won't we?"

While she didn't think it would be possible, she felt much better after he said it. He had that effect on people. When Shepard was confident about something, no matter how desperate the situation seemed, it affected everyone around him. The dangerous seemed trivial, the hopeless merely an inconvenience, the impossible became possible. Even if it turned out he wouldn't succeed, it was comforting her now to see him be so sure he could.

His arm was gently stroking her back, and she was stroking his chest in return. She wanted to be closer to him, to feel his lips on hers again. Moments like these were few and far between when they were traveling in space, doing ground missions and with her needing time to recover from the ensuing infections. Now that they had a moment with the ship nearly empty, it was too good to pass up...

Still holding his hand, she reached for the visor lock, her eyes firmly locked with his.

"_Just got a message to you from Captain Anderson, Commander_"

And just like that, the mood was ruined. Staring angrily at the ceiling, Tali wanted to go up to the bridge and choke the life out of Joker for not waiting another minute or two before interrupting. Shepard too looked up towards the ceiling with an expression that made it very clear he was not amused by Joker's impeccable timing.

"Joker, are you spying on us or something?"

"_No sir, I just got the message and knew you were on board, so I thought I'd pass it on_"

His voice sounded mildly surprised at Shepard's insinuations, but she wasn't sure whether it was genuine or something he feigned. Either way, she hated him a little bit right now.

"What did he say?"

"_He says to meet him at that bar in the wards, Flux. You know, the other one, the one you didn't shoot up and kill a bunch of people in. Yet._"

Shepard sighed and rolled his eyes at Joker's attempt at humor, before looking back to Tali.

"Well, we'd better go see what he wants."

* * *

_Oops, I guess we didn't get to Ilos this chapter after all. Shows how much I plan ahead. It's a bit short as well, but it's a short scene in game and I figured there's not much point in adding the conversation with Anderson at Flux since it wouldn't be much different from the game. Feel free to tell me if you disagree though._

_Also, what are people's opinions on chapter lengths? Personally I don't want to make a story with 500 short chapters, but I'm also not very fond of huge chapters with walls of text (which I am guilty of myself, I know, but it's hard to avoid sometimes)._

_Last day of my vacation today, which means less time to write. Not that it made much of a difference in how much I wrote, just in how much besides writing (and work) I got done._


	12. Last Chance

_I don't own Mass Effect or the character's within it, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. Ok, so it's been over a month, but..._

**Last Chance**

Commander Shepard stood behind Joker's seat, staring intently at the control panel. It had been quite a while since he and Captain Anderson had left Flux, and he was starting to get worried that Anderson had somehow been captured. The crew had been rounded up fairly quickly. Everyone was aboard the Normandy now, and all they were waiting for was the green light signaling that the systems were unlocked and good to go.

Maybe something had gone wrong... No. Anderson had been a Spectre candidate before Shepard had even reached his teens, and would have made it too hadn't Saren sabotaged everything. He'd get the controls unlocked.

With an audible beep, the indicator turned green.

"There it is! Come on, we're getting out of here!"

"Already on it, Commander."

Joker put the Normandy in full reverse, hauled out of the docks and was speeding towards the relay almost before all the systems were fully operating.

"Damn, doesn't look like they're following us. Shame, I was hoping we'd get to show them just how hopeless it would be."

Joker seemed disappointed at the lack of reaction coming from the Citadel. He was anything but modest about the Normandy and his own abilities, and loved any chance he got to show off both. While Shepard didn't understand Joker's mindset, he found it surprisingly easy to deal with. Probably because Joker wasn't arrogant about it, and was just as likely to make fun of himself as he was of anybody else.

"I'm not surprised. They were so sure they had us grounded that they didn't bother keeping an eye on us. They didn't even notice all the crew heading back to the ship after getting my message."

"I hope the Captain's ok. He's going to be in a lot of trouble for this."

"He'll be fine. They're so busy preparing for Saren's attack that they won't do anything until after it's over. Hopefully ending with our victory..."

Shepard turned around and started walking towards his quarters.

"Let me know when we're 10 minutes from the Mu relay."

"Aye aye, Commander."

–

With every passing moment, Tali got more and more restless. They were heading straight into enemy territory. Saren would undoubtedly be expecting them, having already seen what Shepard was capable of. It wasn't unreasonable to expect that someone might die before the mission was over, considering what they were up against. As much faith as Tali had in Shepard, he was not a god. Even if he managed to stop Saren and stay alive through the mission, there was no guarantee everyone would survive.. that Tali would survive...

She would be lying if she said she wasn't afraid of death. While she didn't give it all that much thought before, falling in love with Shepard and seeing missions getting more and more perilous had made her acutely aware of the risks. More than losing her life, she was afraid of losing Shepard, of never again experiencing the joy of being with him. She had lived her life mostly for the quarian people and their survival before, but now she had a reason to live for herself, for her own happiness. Now that she could be happy with Shepard, even if it was only for a little longer, she really wanted to live. Every single day was so precious now...

They would be at the Mu relay in a few hours. This could be the last time she and Shepard would have together. She desperately wanted to be with him one last time...

Tali looked down at the last vial of liquid antibiotics in her hand. It was almost empty now. She had been using it far too much lately, every time she and Shepard kissed, and every time she thought that opportunity might present itself. She had been planning on getting more once they were back on the Citadel, but there simply hadn't been any time after everything that had happened. What little remained now was barely enough to guarantee she didn't get bedridden after taking her helmet off. If she were to be... intimate with him, with only this much to protect her... there was a good chance that she wouldn't live past the next three days..

Up until now, kissing was the most they had done. She hadn't dared try and take it further for fear of risking the mission. She had planned on waiting until the R&R Shepard had promised her, when it wouldn't matter if she ended up hospitalized for weeks afterwards. Not to mention how incredibly embarrassed she felt every time she thought about how to suggest it to him. But the mission had turned even more deadly than it was before, and now there might never be another chance...

Tali agonized for what seemed like an eternity, trying to decide whether to take her chances now, or wait and hope that they both survived the mission on Ilos. If they were together now and she died, either on the mission or due to an infection after it was over, then least she would have been able to experience the joy of sleeping with her love before she died. If she waited and they both survived, she'd be able to take measures to reduce the risk of a fatal infection.

If she waited, and one of them died...

Time was passing mercilessly by as she struggled to make a decision. If she took too long, any chance at being with Shepard could be gone. If she was going to do it, it had to be now.

She clenched the vial so hard it threatened to break.

–

Shepard looked up from his desk as Tali entered his quarters. He got up slowly and turned around to face her.

"Tali... I was just thinking about you..."

She kept her eyes on the floor as she moved closer to him.

"I was thinking about you too, Shepard... About us."

She fidgeted a bit as she stood in front of him. She was getting nervous now. How could she ask him if he wanted to... be with her? How would he react? What if he thought she was putting her own desires ahead of the mission and stopped caring about her? No, he wouldn't do that...

"I just wanted to... tell you that I care a lot about you. And that I trust you. Even if I don't survive this mission..."

Shepard held up a hand to interrupt her.

"Stop. You're not going to die, Tali, I promise you that much. We'll get through this mission alive, then take that R&R we planned."

"Shepard, I appreciate you saying that, but you don't know that for sure. There will always be a chance that one of us doesn't make it, and I have no problem risking my life on this mission. I'm not stupid, Shepard, I know the risks just as well as you do."

"Tali..."

"Shepard, please. This could be the last time we get to spend together. Even if you won't admit it in front of me, we both know it is true. I'm not here looking for reassurance, Shepard. I..."

She was starting to shake a bit now. Both embarrassment and fear was making it harder to speak.

"What's wrong, Tali?"

"Nothing. It's... I just want to... Like I said, this might be the last time we'll get a chance to be together. And... I was hoping that... well, I mean I was thinking that maybe we... or at least wondering if you... if we..."

She couldn't get the words out. She was trembling even more now, getting increasingly frustrated that time was running out while she fumbled over her words, while at the same time trying to keep her fear under control. She had to do this now.

"Shepard, I... I would like... to be with you. In case we don't get another chance... I want to..."

She just couldn't say it. Every time she tried to make it clear what she was meaning, she choked up.

Shepard finally seemed to realize what she was trying to tell him. His expression was gentle, but there was also a hint of worry there.

"Are you sure, Tali? I mean... will you be ok... doing something like that?"

"I... think so. It will be over one way or the other by the time an infection..."

Her voice trailed off. She was still trembling, making Shepard increasingly worried about her. He reached out and held her shoulders while looking at her with a worried frown.

"You're shaking... What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I'm just nervous..."

Shepard suddenly looked at one of his hands. It was resting over one of the pouches on her upper arm. Feeling something beneath it, he reached inside and took out a vial, suspicion written all over his face.

"Tali, this is..."

He knew what it was. Tali had shown it to him on a ground mission a long time ago, explaining to him how quarians dealt with suit punctures and how dangerous battlefield infections were to them. He was staring at the empty vial with great concern.

"There's nothing left in here. If you get a suit puncture while we're down there..."

"Shepard, we're going into battle against Saren and an army of geth. A suit puncture is the least of my worries..."

"... How much was left in here before you came to see me?"

She didn't answer, but simply kept staring at the floor.

"Tali. How much was left in here?"

Still looking at the floor, her voice was barely more than a whisper.

".... almost nothing...."

With a low sigh, Shepard put the vial down on the nearby table before embracing her.

"Come here..."

He was stroking her back as he held her close. She was still trembling, but being in his arms was gradually calming her down. It felt safe there. It was a little ironic, since she wouldn't have needed comfort if she hadn't fallen in love with him to begin with, or if he hadn't told her that he felt the same way about her. She hated how it made her resolve and courage falter. It used to be so much easier...

It had been a stupid idea to start with. What was she thinking? Despite Shepard's reassurances, she was too afraid to believe that they would both make it through alive. What if Shepard hadn't stopped her and they both lived through the mission? He would have to watch her die from an infection she got from being with him tonight. How could she possibly do that to him? She was being selfish, putting her own feelings ahead of his.

"We didn't come this far just to lose now, Tali. We're going to stop Saren, and once that is over we'll have some time for ourselves."

His voice was soothing, but confident. It also made her feel even more guilty about what she had almost done.

"I'm sorry, Shepard... "

It wasn't much of an apology, but it was all she could say. Even so, he didn't seem to be angry or upset with her, and instead of answering her he changed the topic.

"You know, once we're finished with all this, I need to think of a way to keep you on the Normandy with me."

He looked down at her with a clever smile on his face.

"There's this old human tradition of meeting the woman's father and asking for her hand, I was wondering if that might work..."

Tali frowned a bit at his comment.

"That seems like an odd custom for requesting a crew transfer. What if her father isn't part of the military?"

"Well, it's not exactly a tradition of crew transfer requests as such, not normally..."

"And what is it with you humans and hands anyway?"

"No, it's not about that, I mean, the hand isn't...."

His face was red for some reason, and he became silent. He shrugged slightly before hugging her tighter.

"Never mind, I'll explain it once we're done with the mission. It can wait."

They stood in silence for a while, listening to the low hum of the Normandy's engines as they drew closer to the place where their fates would be decided. There couldn't be much time left now until they were there. Tali's heart sank at the thought.

"Shepard... how long do you figure we have until we reach the Mu relay?"

"About two and a half to three hours, I'd say."

Three hours. An eternity when you were waiting for something, the blink of an eye when you didn't want something to end.

She took a step backwards, slowing parting from him. Although it was just her imagination, she felt cold as soon as she left his arms. She wanted to stay with him, but he probably had a lot of things to prepare before they arrived, and since they had decided not to take any chances...

"In that case, we should probably get some rest before we arrive..."

As she was about to let go of his hand, he took a step forward and put his arms around her again.

"Yes, we probably should."

He was smiling at her, that special smile of his. The cold she had felt as she let him go disappeared as he held her close again, staring into her eyes through her visor.

"Shepard... I thought..."

"I know. I haven't changed my mind about that. But if you don't mind... I would like for you to stay here with me, until we're ready to head out..."

As they gazed at each other, Tali was reminded again of just how much she loved him. The loving smile, the gentle eyes, the warm embrace... and the soft kisses... Until she met him, these things were completely foreign to her. She had already experienced love unlike any she had dreamed of before. She couldn't easily do what women of other races did, but he didn't mind that. He loved her the way she was, and put her well-being ahead of everything else.

"I wouldn't mind that..."

Her voice came out a whisper. Still holding his arms around her, Shepard slowly walked backwards, leading her towards the bed at the back of the room, holding her gaze the whole way there.

"Shepard... you're saying one thing, but you're doing another..."

She knew what he was thinking, but she couldn't resist the chance to tease him a little bit.

"Well, it wouldn't be much rest if we were to stand the whole three hours to the Mu relay, would it?"

"I'm not sure I'm safe here with you..."

He gave a silent laugh at her comment.

"Probably not. I had the cabin and myself doused in so much antiseptic I can barely breathe in here. If you take your visor off, you might choke on the fumes..."

Shepard's words took her by surprise. He had been expecting her... made preparations for her so she could take her visor off. It wasn't the most romantic thing to say, but it was somehow sweet all the same. Going over the entire cabin had to have been a lot of work for him alone, just for the chance that she might come by before the mission started.

"How can I say no to an invitation like that..."

Still looking into his eyes, Tali disengaged the visor lock. It came off with a quiet hiss, and once again she could look upon him without the tinted visor clouding the view. When he sat down on the edge of the bed, she followed, sitting on his lap. There was a very faint smell of antiseptic in the room, but if he hadn't mentioned it she most likely wouldn't have noticed.

She kissed him, and to her relief she couldn't taste it on his lips either. Not that it would have made much of a difference, considering how rarely they had the chance to be together like this. It would take a lot more than a little antiseptic to pry her away from him now...

* * *

_I might as well say this right away: I hate this chapter. It had me stumped for two weeks, staying half finished for most of it before I scrapped a lot and ended up with something completely different than I had planned. Of course, I'm never really happy with what I write, but this chapter is something else. At this point I simply had to get it over with and move on with the story, because I could have gone for months and not get it the way I wanted it. It's a shame, but I'm at my wits' end here. _

_Also, I've noticed that I've used their names far, far too much in this chapter, at least from what the preview looks like. I can't really tell for sure though, it's 5am here and I'll be going away for a week so I'm rushing to get this done. I might edit it later. For now though, it looks almost painful to read, but that could also just be my headache.  
_

_Originally I had planned the pre-Ilos scene to be the point where all the feelings really come out, like in the game. As you probably noticed, that didn't happen when our two main characters kinda jumped the gun and got it all over with in chapter 7. Not only did that affect the rest of the ME1 storyline, but it's also completely changed what will happen in the ME2 arch, for better or worse. Of course, while I have a lot planned for ME2 regardless, they'll probably go and do something completely different again, leaving me stumped._

_Ah well._

_Note: I've enabled anonymous reviews in case anyone tried to do so earlier but weren't allowed to. I thought they were on by default and didn't even notice the button to toggle them until I was going to upload this chapter... Not sure whether most fanfic writers just keep them disabled, or how badly this site is bothered with spam. I'll keep them on for now and see how it goes._


End file.
